The Woman Next Door
by variousflumps
Summary: Kate McKenzie has got her dream job at Sulgrave Heath, the oldest and poshest boarding school in Yorkshire. She's got her dream flat, too, but there's only one problem - the intimidating headmistress lives next door. But she begins to realize that the woman next door isn't exactly what she seems...and that her discovery could have consequences both personal and professional.
1. Chapter 1

Thank God it's Friday. Feeling tired, spent and emotionally battered, Kate trudges up the stairs to her flat and opens the door. Or tries to, but the key doesn't seem to be working. Terrific.

Stifling a sigh she tries again but the key's stuck fast now and turning it either way just makes it stick a little more tightly. Trying over and over again she feels herself growing more and more frustrated, until finally something snaps inside of her and she slams her bag into the door with a satisfying 'thwack'. Unsurprisingly it doesn't help with the lock situation and she slumps forward, defeated, leaning her forehead against the carved oak door frame and wishing her life was less ridiculous.

"Hello? Everything all right?"

Oh fantastic – Dr Elliot's come to rescue her. This week really couldn't get any better.

Things had been going so well; she'd felt so hopeful until this past weekend, with both her professional and personal lives falling into place. Her girlfriend Julia had been fun and intelligent and interesting (and good in bed) and despite some recent arguments she'd been hoping that their feelings could grow given time. Instead their six-month relationship had come to a very abrupt end, their conversation leaving her with the distinct impression that Julia had found someone else.

Then there was her new job. Modern languages teacher at Sulgrave Heath, the oldest, poshest boarding school in Yorkshire. The job itself was going very well, even if the pupils were as demanding in their own way as her old comprehensive classes. But it was the living arrangements that had been niggling at her for a while now.

She'd been told that there was a chance to live on-site during her interview, and she'd immediately liked the idea – no commute, no need to keep her own car, and a chance to live in one of the most beautiful buildings she'd ever seen.

When they told her that there were only two flats in that wing of the building, with the other flat belonging to the headmistress, there'd been a few alarm bells going off. But then they'd shown her the flat itself and it was so insanely gorgeous she couldn't possibly turn it down. She had asked, with as much tact as she could muster, why another staff member hadn't already been in residence but Dr Elliot had said that most of them were married or had families and couldn't have managed in a one-bedroom home. Which seemed fair enough, of course, although surely there were _some_ single people among the staff…

From the outside the school buildings were stunning, all dreaming spires, pretty courtyards and grand entrances. The two flats were in the east wing of the main building, on the top floor, and the flat for the headmistress even had its own turret which apparently housed the master bedroom.

But it was the inside of the flat that really swayed her: the high ceilings, the tall sash windows, the sculpted coving all around the walls. None of the original features had been lost; she'd never lived anywhere half this beautiful before.

The only obvious drawback was the proximity of her boss. The two flats were reached through the same shared entrance and although Dr Elliot's own front door was down the hall and round a corner they'd clearly run into each other now and again. Her impression of Dr Elliot in the interview had been one of a serious, intelligent, rather intimidating woman who didn't suffer fools gladly, but she'd also seemed like someone who would keep herself to herself. So despite her reservations, she had taken the flat.

And now, as she steeled herself to face her boss in her emotionally vulnerable state, she couldn't help feeling that the worried voice at the back of her mind had been absolutely right; that an intersection of the personal and the professional was never, ever a good idea.

"Are you having a disagreement with your door?" Caroline appears from down the hallway, still wearing her severe black suit and high heels.

"It's fine," she says, trying to keep the anger out of her voice.

"It didn't seem fine when you were attacking it with your handbag."

"I don't usually behave like that."

"Well I assumed that much. What's the problem?"

As Caroline joins her in front of the door she's struck once again by the astonishing air of authority she emanates. She's suddenly a little nervous about being told off.

"I can't get the key to turn in the lock, it's stuck, and I've tried 100 times and I've had a bit of a day of it."

"Here, let me try."

"You really don't have to do-" but her hand is on the key before she can finish her sentence. Something about her unfailingly confident, capable air is rubbing her up the wrong way. Dr Elliot's never locked herself out; she's certainly never been dumped. Dr Elliot has surely sailed through her whole life with consummate ease.

"These locks are from the dark ages, once we get you in here I'll ask the caretaker to put a proper one in for you."

"You really don't have to-"

"I'm surprised you've been OK up to now, actually, when Mr Berton lived here he used to leave it unlocked now I think about it, he relied on the main lock downstairs. You might want to consider doing the same for a few days, as long as you trust me not to steal your sideboard. Ah, got it, there we go."

She opens the door with a satisfied flourish; Kate tries to paint a grateful look on her tired face.

"Thanks, I appreciate it."

"You OK?"

"Fine."

"You're not, are you?" Her voice is suddenly gentle, her expression one of sincere concern; Kate feels tears well in her eyes. "Come with me, come and have a cup of tea."

"No, that's-"

"If you've had a bad day I'd much rather have you in with me than fretting about it alone, especially if it's down to some of my little horrors. I've got pizza if you want some, I was about to have dinner."

"Pizza?"

"Yes. If you'd like."

The beginnings of a smile make themselves known. "You eat pizza?"

Caroline studies her, a slight frown on her face. "Yes. Is that so very…"

"I just, I don't know. Didn't picture you eating pizza. I don't know why."

"Well. All right. But I do. I'll prove it if you like." They smile at each other. "Coming?"

It doesn't really feel like she has a choice.

"Sure, that sounds great. Thanks, Dr Elliot." She follows her down the corridor.

"It's Caroline out of school."

"Caroline."

"And you prefer Kate? You were Katherine on your CV, I think."

"Oh, no, Kate please, I use Katherine for official things but it's Kate in real life."

Caroline opens her front door and gestures for her to come in. As subtly as she can she takes a good look around the living room. Her first reaction is mild shock – it's far more lived in than she'd expected, with rows and rows of books around the walls, the odd pile of papers cluttering the floor and magazines splayed over the coffee table. The décor is simple but pleasant, understated, an oatmeal carpet underneath a light blue, comfy-looking three piece suite, a couple of warm-looking, fluffy rugs, a painting of a seascape on the wall.

"You were expecting cobwebs, I take it?" Caroline says, suddenly stiff and stern. "Dinosaurs? Dodos? A 19th century furnace of some kind?"

"No, no, not at all," she stutters, "I erm-"

A grin appears on her face and Kate's buttocks slowly unclench.

"I know what people think of me, hiding away in my turret. I've heard all the stories. It doesn't help that I never invite staff in here, but I make an exception for anyone living in the other flat because we're bound to see each other and I'd rather you knew I wasn't barking, in case something exactly like tonight happens and we need to be neighbourly. Now, why don't you take a seat and I'll get us some tea. And then you can tell me what's troubling you, if you'd like to, and if it's the gentlemen of 9F we can plot their imminent downfall."

She disappears into the next room before she can reply and she finds herself slightly irritated again; talking to the great Dr Elliot is like having the wind whip around you, with no time to think or speak. Excellent qualities in a headmistress, herding your charges around the place, leaving them slightly breathless in your wake. Not such great qualities in a friend. For five seconds in the hall it had felt like she could actually talk to her; now she's not so sure.

But then, she was never going to be a friend. She'll tell her a heavily edited version of events, thank her for the tea and get out of there. And go back to her lovely, lonely little flat.

"Milk, sugar?" Her voice filters through from the next room.

"Just milk please."

"Do you want the pretentious fancy-pants tea bags that my mother drinks or the proper-tasting normal stuff for normal people?"

Almost against her will a smile appears on her face.

"Normal stuff, please."

"An excellent choice. Make yourself at home, I'll be five minutes."

She takes a seat on the roomy sofa and goes over the events of the day, deciding how much information to give away. It had better be most of the truth – if she pretends that 9F alone had driven her to door-related violence she'll look incompetent. But an edited truth, of course. Sulgrave Heath has undoubtedly got a politically correct discrimination policy hidden away in a cupboard somewhere, but there's no reason to test it out if she doesn't have to.

Five minutes later she's staring into her tea with Caroline sitting across from her, offering her a plate of biscuits. It feels very strange to see her in such a normal environment, with mess and biscuits and a telly in the corner; she's so aloof and reserved at school she's close to robotic. It's a little surreal.

"So. I'm guessing that what I saw earlier wasn't just about a bad day in the classroom."

"You're right, it wasn't."

"Tell me."

"It's nothing dramatic. I got dumped, that's all."

"Oh Kate, I'm so sorry. Was it today?"

"At the weekend. It had probably been coming for a while, if I'm honest, it wasn't exactly a shock."

"Except it still is a shock, even then."

"Yes. It is."

"Had you been together long?"

"About six months. Not long."

"But it's never a pleasant experience."

"No. It isn't."

"Shit."

"Uh…sorry?"

"My biscuit's gone in my tea. Bollocks."

She stifles a bemused smile as Caroline stares helplessly into her tea for a few seconds and then apparently gives it up as a lost cause, looking up at her again. "Was he someone you really cared about?"

"I…did care. I think. I don't know. I was so pleased to get this job, my relationship was going pretty well, I thought I'd got everything sorted. And now…"

"I'm not sure anyone's got everything sorted, Kate. Life's far too complicated for that."

"That's not terribly reassuring coming from you."

Caroline appraises her; she prickles from the attention. "Coming from me? What do you mean?"

With a mild sinking feeling she realizes that she's been lulled into talking to her too freely.

"Sorry, I only meant that you seem to have your life completely under control, you run this place like a Swiss watch, everyone respects you, you've raised two children…I can't open my own front door."

"Nobody's got it all sorted, Kate. If there's anything I know for sure, I promise you that."

There's a look in her eyes now that she can't quite decipher, a shade of melancholy perhaps. And she's right, of course – everyone has their problems. But some have more problems than others.

"It won't affect my work, I'll make sure of it."

Another indecipherable expression flits across her face, but when she says "Good to know," she can actually hear the hurt in her voice; she realizes with a sinking heart that she's implied that the quality of her work is all she cares about. It's all going a bit wrong, she's obviously far too upset to be in her boss's company; time to escape.

"I'm sorry, Dr Elliot, it was lovely of you to invite me in, but I'm more tired than I thought, and it's been such a long week. I'd best just go home I think."

"I understand. I'll get that lock fixed for you as soon as I can." There's no trace of hurt this time, her normal efficient tone fully restored.

"Thank you. And thank you for the tea. Bye for now."

"Bye."

They smile at each other politely but she feels wretched. As she leaves she turns around to try to make amends but Caroline has already started to walk away, heading into the kitchen, and she isn't brave enough to call her back.

Oh well, she thinks. You only have to work with her. Work _for _her. And live next door to her, of course. But it's not as if you have to be friends.

Returning to her flat she has 10 seconds of panic when she thinks that the lock's got stuck again but then the door opens and she enters the flat in relief. Time to make a long list of Julia's faults, get herself mildly drunk and forget about the intimidating woman next door.


	2. Chapter 2

Two weeks later it feels like things are looking up. The pupils settle down as they get used to her and begin to trust her, the caretaker puts a shiny new lock in for her and she finds that she misses Julia far less than she'd expected. It had been a fun six months but it had never been a meeting of souls, and she was honest enough with herself these days to know that what she wanted was someone to love, not someone to warm her bed at night.

To her surprise, it's the conversation with Caroline that's really bothered her. She'd handled it badly and the memory of the hurt she'd inflicted had kept coming back to her. It had been a real shock to find that she was so sensitive and she hated to hurt someone who had genuinely tried to help her. They'd spoken about professional matters at school over the past few weeks but she hadn't come close to seeing her as relaxed as she'd been that day in her flat.

And having had time to get to know the other staff members she'd found out that Caroline had been completely serious when she said she never invited staff into her home. Clearly she was a very private person – and Kate was glad that she'd instinctively kept their little tea time chat a secret – but she'd been shocked to find out how little her employees knew about her.

There were the two sons, of course, one in the sixth-form at Sulgrave and one a boarder at St Gregg's, apparently because of its superior rugby programme. A husband called John was mentioned now and again, a man who occasionally showed his face at school events but was mainly invisible. Some sort of writer apparently, although no-one seemed to have read anything that he'd written. And when it came to Caroline herself she heard the same things over and over again. The PhD from Oxford, the schools she had worked at, the temper that scared the life out of even the surliest teenager – she wasn't looking forward to seeing her in a rage for the first time – but no-one could tell her what she did at the weekends or who her friends were. It was all very…fuzzy.

What she did know was that she'd been granted a very rare glimpse of a very private woman and she'd made a total hash of it. So one Friday morning she summons her courage and pushes a note underneath her door:

_Dear Caroline,_

_You were very kind to me over my embarrassing door situation and I would like to return your kindness. If you are free then there will be home-made pizza and normal tea served in my flat at 7.00pm tomorrow. If you would like to come please use the space below to list anything and everything that you would like to appear on your pizza._

_Yours,_

_Kate_

Eight hours later she climbs the stairs and spots a piece of paper tacked to her door, her heart beating a little faster at the sight.

_Dear Kate,_

_Many thanks for your invitation which I would be very pleased to accept. I would like whatever you are having on your own pizza. Or if that is overly polite and actually not at all helpful, I would like mushrooms, sweetcorn and peppers. I'll look forward to it._

_Yours,_

_Caroline_

Good. OK, that's good. She hasn't made anything worse and she can fill her full of pizza, make polite conversation and then they'll be back on an even keel.

A day later and her optimism has rather worn off. Any conversation that was remotely personal was going to involve talking about relationships, and she didn't want to risk another awkward encounter. So that meant avoidance and misdirection, which she hated. Maybe they could talk about work the entire time. That might be best.

The pizza's in the oven when there's a knock on the door. She briefly checks her reflection in a mirror and then, after a small pause for a deep breath, opens the door… and almost does a double take. The woman standing in front of her is about two inches shorter than usual, the high heels replaced by flat, casual shoes. The business suit has been exchanged for worn-looking blue jeans and a soft, deep blue jumper that brings out the colour of her eyes. It's like meeting Dr Elliot's twin sister. She feels an unmistakable – and unnerving – spark of attraction which she does her best to ignore.

"Hi, Caroline. Thanks for coming."

"Thanks for inviting me. You opened your door successfully," Caroline says seriously, but there's a twinkle in her eye.

"That only happened the once, I'll have you know. And Nigel fixed it for me."

"Good. Here, this is for you."

She hands over a bottle of wine.

"Oh, wow, this is…this is a £50 bottle of wine! I can't accept this."

"Did you make the pizza I asked for?"

"Uh, yes, of course."

"Then of course you can accept, going to all that trouble. And I plan to drink half of it myself. Can I-"

She gestures towards the flat and Kate realizes that she hasn't even invited her in yet.

"God, sorry, come in, come in. Dinner'll be about 15 minutes."

The meal goes very well. Caroline is extremely complimentary about the pizza, the wine tastes like nectar, and they talk easily about the long history of the school and its famous alumni. When they've finished their meal they take a seat on the sofa and she decides they've both drunk enough wine to cope with a more personal conversation.

"So…tell me about you. How long have you been married?"

"Oh, forever. A hundred years, a thousand, something along those lines."

"Hmm," she says, smiling. "And he's a writer? John, is it?"

"John, and yes, he's a writer and he does some part-time teaching at York university, he has a flat there."

"What does he write?"

"Novels. Lots and lots of novels."

"Really? That's very impressive."

"You clearly haven't read them."

She laughs. "They must be good if they got published."

"Believe me, that's not how it works."

She thought she was joking at first but now she's not so sure; there's a bitterness in her tone that brings her up short. Better change tack.

"And Lawrence is away at St Gregg's?"

Her face lights up immediately. "Yes, he is, he's a rugby fanatic and he was desperate to get on the team there, they've got a wonderful rugby coach. And it's very possible he was desperate to get away from his mother of course, but I think that's only natural at his age. Plus I think it's good for him to be away from home, he's had to grow up a bit in the past year without his Mum to bail him out all the time. William could have gone away too but he prefers it here, he's technically a boarder anyway as he lives in the dorms but he likes to come and see me at the weekends and Lawrence comes home at least twice a month and at holidays. They're both doing absolutely brilliantly. Sorry, I don't mean to boast."

"You're their mum, you're supposed to boast. I don't know William very well yet but he's exceptional at French, very fluent."

"He's always been good at languages. Near the top of the class do you think, or…"

"No doubt about it, top three at a minimum."

"Splendid, that's splendid. I'm very proud of him."

"You should be."

She's almost glowing with pride; it's quite touching.

"And how have you been, after…what happened, the ending of your relationship?"

"Oh, OK, pretty good in fact. It wasn't as if we'd been married for a few millennia."

"Very funny. Seriously, though? You're all right?"

"I am. Really, Caroline, it hurt at the time but she wasn't-"

She cuts herself off abruptly. There's silence for a long moment; she should never have drunk all that wine.

"She wasn't…what?"

Mustering all her courage she braves a look at her face but she can't read anything there apart from polite interest. But that silence had spoken louder than words; you don't sit there in stunned silence if you're comfortable around gay people.

"Wasn't the love of my life."

"No, well, that does make it a bit easier. I'm glad to hear you're feeling all right."

More silence.

"Look, Caroline, if this is going to be a problem I'd rather know about it now."

"Why would it be a problem?"

"Because you're sitting there in shock."

"I am not. I was giving you the space to finish your thoughts. It's 2015, do you honestly believe I'm so unworldly I'd be speechless when presented with a lesbian?"

And now she's speechless herself. She's done it again, exactly she same as last time – presumed the absolute worst of her. Where on earth is it coming from? She usually gives people the benefit of the doubt, but she seems to be so intimidated by Dr Caroline Elliot that she can't see her as a decent human being.

"I'm sorry. I'm really am. I've just had some bad reactions in the past, and I think…well, it's a very traditional school and you never quite know…sorry."

"Look, I understand that you might have encountered prejudice in the past. But let me make it quite clear that if you're ever subjected to even the merest _hint_ of bigotry at Sulgrave Heath you are to come straight to me and I will make quite sure that the perpetrator wishes that they'd never been born. There was a regrettably lax attitude to homophobic bullying before I became headmistress but it will _not_ be tolerated on my watch, not among the students and certainly not among the staff."

Kate stares at her in shock. Where on earth did that come from? Is it possible that William's gay, or even Lawrence?

"Thanks Caroline, I really appreciate that."

"You haven't experienced it already, I hope?"

"Oh no, no, I mean most people don't really know about me yet, but everyone seems very nice."

"You know Mr Jackson is gay, maths and physics? He won't mind me telling you, he's very open about it."

"I didn't know that, no."

"And Miss Everson, history and peripatetic flute? She married her partner a few months ago."

"No, um, I didn't, I didn't know that either."

"Why are you smiling?"

"Oh nothing, really, I mean I'm glad that I'm going to be OK here, but…it's the way you describe people. Am I Miss McKenzie, modern languages and sixth-form choir?"

"You certainly are. Isn't that how everybody talks?" She's relieved to see a smile on her face.

"Not exactly. Nothing wrong with it, mind you. Quite useful, really."

"When you spend as much time as I do fiddling with timetables you tend to talk in subject specialties. I mean it, Kate, you promise you'll report any problems?"

"I will. I promise."

"Good."

They sit in a comfortable silence for a little while, finishing off their wine, Kate wondering whether Caroline really did have a personal interest in gay rights. William was a quiet, sensitive boy, it was very possible that he was gay, but she shouldn't stereotype – maybe it was his rugby-loving brother instead. Maybe Caroline just cared about the issue, but she'd sounded so…_vehement_. Either way, it was nice to know that she was going to be accepted and that she had an ally if things ever turned sour.

"I'd better make a move," Caroline says eventually, "I don't want to take up all of your Saturday night."

"Oh, you don't have to," she says politely, pleased to find that she'd quite like her to stay.

"No, it was a lovely evening but I don't like to outstay my welcome. Thank you again for the pizza, you're a very good cook."

"Thank you for the lovely wine. And for your support."

"Of course."

She sees her to the door.

"Perhaps we could do this again sometime?" says Caroline.

"I'd like that," she says, although she can't tell whether Caroline really means it or if it's standard politeness.

"Good. Bye now."

"Bye."

She closes the door, feeling much better than she had a few hours ago. The food had gone down well, they'd had a relaxed and pleasant evening and she'd even come out of the closet. Mission accomplished.

And when a return invitation never materializes, she doesn't really mind. Under the circumstances it was surely better to keep a little distance between them; Caroline undoubtedly felt the same way. Besides, there was that unexpected spark of electricity to consider. An attraction to a beautiful woman was only natural, but it wouldn't do her any good to end up with a full-blown crush. As long as they were 'neighbourly', as Caroline had put it, that would be absolutely perfect.


	3. Chapter 3

On the last day of the summer term she returns to her flat buzzing with happiness. Her first year at Sulgrave Heath had been an unadulterated success. The students were bright, eager to learn and now treated her as if she'd been a fixture at the school for years. There had been some exceptional results in her language classes and her choir had won a county competition. And when the Independent Schools Inspectorate had come in during the spring term her lessons had been described as 'outstanding'. When Caroline had told her the news there had been an unmistakable note of pride in her voice.

Even her relationship with Caroline had gone well, in that they had managed to stay out of each other's personal lives while remaining on good terms at work. There had been no more visits to each other's flats but she occasionally found an informal note on her front door, one offering her some steaks because she'd had 'a moment of madness' in Waitrose and couldn't fit them all in the freezer, another thanking her for all the hours she put into the choir and saying how much William had enjoyed singing in the competition.

As the year went on, though, she'd become a little puzzled. William was a regular visitor to the flat and she sometimes ran into him on a Sunday. Lawrence visited too, less frequently but with much more noise, and she'd even met Caroline's mum, an instructive event that had explained a great deal about the origins of Dr Elliot's natural air of authority (although she rather thought it tipped over into _superiority_ in Celia's case).

But she never, ever saw John. Which wouldn't be much of a mystery if Caroline went to stay with him at the university, but as far as she could tell she hadn't spent a night away from home the entire year. What kind of marriage was that?

Whatever was happening, it was clearly none of her business, but she couldn't help but be intrigued. Was this why Caroline was so keen to be neighbourly, to establish a basic friendship – because she knew that whoever lived next door would put two and two together and realize that all was not as it seemed?

The main thing though was that she had built a friendly but professional relationship with a woman who had, to be frank, scared her at first, so that was another success and another reason to think that coming to Sulgrave Heath might well be the best decision she ever made.

Sinking gratefully into her sofa she thinks of the weeks of holiday ahead of her and starts making plans. Ten minutes later she's still happily day-dreaming when she hears the front door bang downstairs; Caroline's home. She wonders briefly what Dr Elliot gets up to in the summer holidays and then goes back to visions of weekends in Barcelona with her friends and evenings at the theatre.

And then she hears it. The unmistakable sound of a woman's sobs.

For 30 seconds or more she's indecisive. Every instinct in her heart is telling her to go and comfort her, but her head is far more circumspect – apart from anything else, she might tell her to sod off and give her some privacy.

One more wracking, heart-wrenching sob later and she can't stand it anymore; she steps out into the hallway, finding Caroline slumped on the floor having not even made it to her flat.

"Are you all right?" she says stupidly, kneeling down to get closer to her. Caroline meets her eyes but can't seem to stop crying.

"What's happened, what is it? Are you hurt?" Her boss shakes her head miserably, swiping ineffectually at her tears.

"Come with me," Kate says firmly. "Come inside and sit down."

To her surprise Caroline meekly does as she's told, taking hold of Kate's hand and allowing herself to be pulled upright and then led into the flat. They sit together on the sofa and Kate's about to start asking questions when Caroline dissolves into sobs again.

"Oh Caroline, come here." Reaching forward she pulls her into her arms. There's no resistance at all and she feels her lean her head on her shoulder and give in to the crying. Kate holds her firmly, arms wrapped around her, too eager to ease her pain to worry about awkwardness. At the back of her mind she's aware of her body heat, the soft curves pressed against her own, but the seriousness of the situation keeps her thoughts from wandering into dangerous territory.

It takes another few minutes for the sobs to stop completely. When they finally die down Caroline withdraws from her embrace but stays close to her on the sofa; Kate offers her a box of tissues.

"Sorry," says Caroline, making a face. "How ridiculous."

"Not ridiculous at all."

"You'll think it's perfectly ridiculous in a minute."

"Will I?" she says, puzzled. "I find that hard to believe."

Caroline takes a few deep breaths, blows her nose several times and wipes the remaining tears away.

"Nothing's happened. I'm crying over nothing."

"Obviously something happened."

"Child grew into adult is what happened. Nothing. Ridiculous."

"I wish you'd tell me properly."

"William's gone to summer school, I was seeing him off. For six whole weeks. And then he'll be at Oxford and then he'll have his own life and his own family and they never really come back, everyone says so. So that's it now, my boy's gone forever."

Unexpectedly she finds herself moved. Say what you like about Dr Elliot but she was clearly a wonderful mother.

"I bet he'll be back all the time."

"Doubt it."

"Really, I'm sure he will. He'll bring his washing."

She snorts and then covers her mouth in embarrassment.

"And he'll be ringing all the time for more cash. And he'll need someone to show him how the oven works, and what a stopcock does, and what you're supposed to do when your girlfriend _says_ there's nothing wrong but there obviously is. He'll be home all the time, you won't hear the end of it. You'll wish he'd gone to St Andrews."

A small smile is creeping onto her face; the tears have dried up.

"What's the answer, to the girlfriend thing?"

"Oh God, buggered if I know. One of life's little mysteries."

The smile's in full force now; it feels lovely to have cheered her up so much.

"You really think he'll come and see me?"

The vulnerability in her voice is so evident that she has to swallow down a lump in her throat.

"Of course he will. He's come home most weekends hasn't he, even though he's in dorms? What does that tell you?"

"Oh no. Sunday lunch. I do the full roast dinner, all the trimmings, have done for years, it's always been his favourite meal. And there's going to be no-one there to eat it now. Lawrence never comes on a Sunday because of his matches. It'll be me and a cheese sandwich and Songs of Praise."

"Well that doesn't sound like much fun. How about you make it for me instead?"

Caroline stares at her; she hopes she hasn't gone too far. But the thought of her vulnerable and alone is surprisingly poignant.

"Would that…would that be all right?"

"All right? I haven't had a proper roast in years, I can never be bothered to make it for one person. You'd be doing me a massive favour."

"If you're sure it's not imposing?"

"Of course not!"

"Then that would be lovely, thank you. About 1.30?"

"Sounds great. And I should be thanking you, you know."

"Good. And thanks for…you know. Listening. Not treating me like a mad old bat."

"Anytime."

Caroline stands up and they walk over to the door. Kate briefly wonders whether to hug her goodbye, but she seems so much more self-contained now that she's not quite brave enough to try it. Instead they smile at each other and Caroline touches her on the arm slightly awkwardly before heading down the corridor.

* * *

Two days later and she's sat on the sofa in Caroline's living room after a truly delicious roast lunch. Their conversation has flowed surprisingly freely, despite – or perhaps because of – Caroline's minor meltdown. Maybe she'd been wrong about the whole personal versus professional situation. Maybe they could become a little closer than that and still make it work.

"You've been happy in the flat?" Caroline asks.

"Oh yes, it's really nice. Not nice, actually, wrong word entirely, it's beautiful, definitely the most attractive place I've ever lived in."

"And I hope the…geographical disadvantages haven't been too difficult to cope with?"

She smiles at her, spotting a real note of concern on her face. "Not at all."

"Only the staff were not at all keen on the idea, it was left empty for a year because we were struggling to find someone to take it up. It's an odd little place really, my understanding was that it was established years ago as a flat for the deputy headmaster, presumably back in the days when such gentlemen were bachelors or always sent their own children away to school.

"But now it's too small for anyone with a family, anyone with a goldfish, to be frank, and Mr Michaels has four children so it would never have done for him. It was perfect for the previous deputy, Mr Burton, but he retired of course, and then it was offered to all the existing staff in order of seniority but no-one wanted it. I was beginning to feel rather unloved."

"I'm sure it wasn't because of you."

"Oh come on now, I think we both know better than that. Even the staff who already live on site turned it down and I don't blame them, I don't think I would have volunteered for it in their position. I'm not sure what we would have done with it, it might have been the most aesthetically pleasing broom cupboard in the world."

"Well I was very pleased to get it."

"Kate, I wanted to…I wanted to mention, to say that…it had been a bit of a concern of mine, that flat. And you have been a model of discretion and I wanted to thank you. I think you know what I'm referring to."

She hadn't expected her to ever bring it up; she chooses her words carefully.

"There are no thanks required, Caroline, I assure you. Your personal life is exactly that, personal, it's nobody else's business."

"Ah, but that's where you're wrong, you see. It would be the biggest scandal at Sulgrave Heath since Mr Campbell had a bit of a breakdown and started teaching Year 9 that the world was run by lizards."

"He taught…never mind, that's not important. But I don't understand why…I mean, surely…obviously I don't know the details, but it's hardly a scandal, is it?"

"The details _are_ the scandal."

She looks so sad all of a sudden that Kate reaches out to her without thinking, taking her hand. Caroline squeezes gently as if to thank her.

"If you want to tell me, I'm here to listen. And if you don't, I won't ask again."

"It's very simple, really. There were affairs."

"Oh Caroline, I'm so sorry. That's awful, I'm sorry. But…is that really so scandalous, in this day and age?"

"Affairs, Kate. Plural. The devil's in the details."

"I'm sorry, I'm not sure I…"

Caroline's looking straight at her, her gaze piercing, her eyes a shining blue, and suddenly she understands.

"Oh! Oh, I see."

"I've disappointed you."

"No, no, of course not, of course not."

"I can see it in your face. You don't approve."

"It's none of my business." She tries to keep her face as neutral as possible; she's not really sure how she feels about this.

"I don't approve either, by the way, not at all. I never thought I'd be the type of person who…in my defence, it was John's affair that came first, I could never have been the first one to…I found out about it and went a bit mad, I suppose, and ending the marriage would have been so fraught with difficulty, with the boys and my job and all the bloody gossip. And there was someone who I cared about, who was pursuing me, I'd been trapped in this dead marriage for years, and eventually I sort of…surrendered. Technically we were separated already, well, we _were_ separated, but it still should never have happened. It's not something I'm remotely proud of."

"I try not to judge people, I promise. Could you not have divorced him though, made a clean break? I understand it being hard on the boys but surely they would been OK. And the gossip would have died down pretty quickly, wouldn't it?"

"Another salient detail. The trouble with a divorce is that it tends to open the floodgates, it's a spotlight on your personal life and everything is revealed. Tiger Woods drives into a lamppost and suddenly all his peccadillos are on display."

"But I still don't see why it would be such a scandal, I mean, people understand a failed marriage, the complexities of relationships, even affairs, they really do, it's not the 1950s, you could have-"

"She was a woman. My lover. My affair. We both had affairs with women."

For a moment she thinks she's misheard, misunderstood, but there can be no other meaning to her words. She takes a breath, giving herself time to absorb the information, acutely aware that they're still holding hands.

"Gosh. Well. I'd love to tell you that I think you're wrong, but I don't think I can. I don't think it's a full-blown scandal but it would certainly be serious gossip. It must have been so hard for you."

"It hasn't been a whole bundle of fun, that's for sure."

"So…what's the plan? You can't leave things like this forever, can you?"

"John's prepared to give me a divorce but only if he gets shared custody of the children, and I won't have that. They already go to stay with him for some of the holidays, I don't want him throwing his weight around the rest of the time. He might not get his way of course, from what I can tell he probably wouldn't but as long as he's contesting the divorce there's a chance. And that's on top of the fact that he'd use the affair against me and everyone would find out about it and gossip for England and Christ knows what would happen with my job. The governors of a school like this want a respectable headteacher and that means heterosexual and married, whatever diversity bullshit they might spout in their board meetings. So if I wait until Lawrence is old enough-"

"It won't matter what John wants, the boys will be adults. And then he won't have a reason to contest the divorce."

"Exactly. And then it's just possible that we can get through the whole process without all the dirty laundry being aired."

"God, Caroline. Have you…does no-one else know about this, you've been coping with it all by yourself?"

"I'm not a child Kate, I'm perfectly capable of tying my own shoelaces."

Instinctively she draws her hand away, her arms covering her body defensively.

"Shit. Sorry. That was a reflex, I hate being told I need help."

"I didn't say you needed it."

"I know. Sorry. Forgive me. And no, no-one else knows about it, so I'm not used to talking about it which is why I fucked it up just then. Sorry."

She relaxes slightly. "You shouldn't swear, Dr Elliot. Think of the children."

"The children aren't here. And if you mean the pupils, they all swear like sailors."

"Think of me, then. I'm very young and innocent, you shouldn't corrupt me."

"Well OK then. Do my best," she says, smiling at her.

"So…is your…your lover, are you still-"

"Oh no, no, that was all done and dusted a couple of years ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"It probably wouldn't have lasted, it was more about…hmm. Probably shouldn't finish that sentence!"

"It was more…what?"

"Doesn't matter. Highly inappropriate topic." A blush has started to creep up her neck. She looks so embarrassed that it can only mean one thing.

"Were you going to say 'More about sex'?" she says in astonishment.

"I was going to put it far more delicately than that. And I thought you said you didn't judge people."

"I don't, I'm not…" she stammers.

"It didn't start out like that, I didn't go looking for some tawdry…I didn't go looking for an affair and I certainly didn't sleep with someone just for the sake of it. We were friends, I cared about her and then it developed and I thought it could be something serious but as it turned out the most compelling element happened to be the physical. That's all."

There's a defensive note in her voice but her chin is raised, her gaze steady – she's not exactly apologetic. And why should she be? She feels that spark of attraction again, stronger this time. The idea of her in bed with another woman, exploring her body, touching her…the idea of her enjoying sex, _loving_ sex…she clears her throat and tries to clear her mind of the arousing images that have appeared unbidden.

"I've made you uncomfortable," says Caroline.

"No, no, it's…not at all. I'm glad you trust with me it. And why on earth shouldn't you…enjoy…"

She trails off awkwardly; Caroline's studying her now and she can almost feel her gaze on her skin. It's not helping her flustered state; she's aware of a blush beginning to creep up on her as the arousal fails to dissipate.

"I really have made you uncomfortable. I apologize."

"There's no need, Caroline, really. I'm not a prude about these things, it's just…well, if you'd asked me what topics of conversation we were going to cover today, this probably wouldn't have been one of them." She laughs nervously, wondering if her excitement is as obvious as it feels.

"We should move to safer ground. Let's talk about you for a while, it's very rude of me to keep burbling on about myself."

"OK," she says. "Sure."

"So how's your sex life?"

She stares at her in shock for a few seconds before bursting into laughter. "Oh I am definitely not answering that question."

"No luck, then? Not so much as a snog?"

"Caroline Elliot, will you kindly leave me alone. I am _not _talking about my sex life or lack thereof with my boss. I did you a favour, remember, trekking all the way over here and eating your delicious roast, the least you could do is talk about the weather."

"Fine, fine, message received loud and clear. You're quite right, of course, I should never have got us onto this, I'm not even sure how I did. I shall restrict myself to more appropriate topics."

They grin at each other, a sparkle dancing in Caroline's eyes. She really is beautiful. Kate had noticed her attractiveness before, of course, but there's something about this open, teasing Caroline that's beautiful in a very different way to the authoritative charms of Dr Elliot.

Caroline looks at her watch, none too subtly; perhaps it's time to go. She fights against a pang of disappointment.

"Is it getting late, I should-"

"Oh no, no, sorry, it's not that, only…well. Promise not to laugh?"

"Um…OK."

"It's almost time for Songs of Praise. I make fun of it but I do quite like it, William would tolerate it because he liked the hymns and it became a kind of tradition, not that we're religious but it did become our thing. It goes without saying that you'd rather gouge your eyes out with a spoon but-"

"Let's watch it. I don't mind, I like Aled Jones."

"Are you sure it's OK? It reminds me of William and…"

She trails off, a sadness appearing in her eyes. Kate wants to reach out and take her hand again but she's keenly aware of the change in the dynamic between them, so she keeps her hand to herself and smiles sympathetically.

"Put it on, really."

"Thanks, Kate. You're very kind."

The television is brought to life and Kate settles back on the sofa, grateful for a chance to regroup, letting the programme wash over her but really thinking about the woman she's sitting next to and how little she really knows about her. An enigma, she thinks. Sitting there with her slippered feet propped on the coffee table, humming along to the Songs of Praise theme tune, right after admitting to an adulterous affair that was mainly about lust. Scaring the life out of a pupil from 30 paces and being so sensitive that a few careless words can pierce her heart. Fiercely independent and so lost without her son that she longed for companionship.

Definitely an enigma. And she was definitely intrigued.


	4. Chapter 4

She makes it to Thursday evening before giving in. She'd gone back and forth, arguing with herself, trying to convince herself that it was a bad idea to see her again. But then, surely there was no harm in it? There was an attraction there, yes, but it wasn't as if she was madly in love. This was her boss, after all, this was stern, uptight, angry Dr Elliot.

And OK, maybe the discovery that she was also sweet, loving, funny Caroline had won her over more than she would have expected. But that was all that had happened and all that would happen. The danger was perhaps more present now that she knew she was interested in women but that didn't mean that she was interested in _her._ Besides, she couldn't see a woman as private as Caroline starting a workplace relationship in the first place.

So she was as safe as she had always been, only now she really wanted them to be friends instead of distant colleagues. Something about the combination of Dr Elliot's tough exterior and Caroline's softer centre had genuinely moved her, and although Kate liked an awful lot of people and had many friends she didn't feel that kind of deep emotional connection very often. It would be a real shame to ignore it simply because of a physical attraction that would never go anywhere.

With her reasoning carefully laid out in her head she writes her a short, breezy note asking if there might be a possibility of any more roast dinners and then spends most of Friday in town. When she gets back and sees the note pinned to her door she tries to ignore the quickening of her heart, but she can't keep the smile off her face when she sees the words "Same time Sunday? See you then unless I hear otherwise" in Caroline's distinctive handwriting.

After a very dull Sunday morning trying to wrestle her finances into shape she waits until 1.29pm and then walks down the corridor, a bottle of wine in her hand partly as a gift and partly an excuse to drown out the mild nerves that are threatening to spoil their fun.

She needn't have worried, however. The meal is as delicious as last time and Caroline is endlessly fascinating, able to talk articulately about anything from chemistry to literature to school governance. It's only after they've finished eating and they're settled comfortably on the sofa that she realizes she hasn't asked her about William.

"So…tell me. How it's been, this week, for you? I hope you've been all right, I was thinking about you."

"Oh, that's nice, thank you," she says, looking a little embarrassed. "But I've been fine, fine, no problem at all, it was a massive over-reaction as I'm sure you noticed. It's not like he disappeared into thin air, he's only a few hours away. Totally daft, the whole thing."

"Not daft at all. You must miss him, though. There's something special about a mother and her son, that bond, isn't there? I mean fathers and son too, I suppose, all parents really, but when there's a really strong bond between a mother and son it's so lovely to see, especially when it's still there when they're adults, a great strapping lad who really loves his mum, it's very…"

It's only the sight of Caroline's tears that make her realize she's being horribly insensitive.

"Oh, Caroline, I'm so sorry, what a stupid thing to say. I'm sorry. Come here."

She holds out her arms and Caroline comes to her without hesitation, resting her head on her shoulder. Kate holds her tightly, trying to convey her compassion, trying to make it all a little easier to bear.

Thirty seconds pass, a minute, two. It feels strangely normal to be holding her, although of course it's not the first time she's comforted her like this. She's so warm, her body heat radiating out to every part of her body that it touches.

After another minute or so there's no indication that she's still crying so she begins to think about pulling away, but then decides to let the other woman take the lead. After all, if her marriage is long dead and her last love affair was several years ago she might be a little starved of affection – and surprisingly enough, affection was now something she could genuinely offer her.

It won't do any harm to give her some comfort. And there was surely no need to feel guilty about the way her own body was responding to the closeness; that was only natural when they were hugging so tightly.

Another minute passes; they've been holding each other for too long now to pass it off as a casual hug between colleagues. They're friends now, she was sure of it, even if she couldn't quite pinpoint when it had happened. She feels a warm glow at the thought.

Finally, after another few minutes, Caroline begins to move. She's braced for the slight awkwardness that's surely coming next, the apologies from a proud woman, but then she realizes that she isn't moving away at all. Instead she's gradually moving backwards on the sofa, lying down against the arm-rest. And gently taking Kate with her as she goes.

Alarm bells sound loudly in her head, but her body seems to be over-ruling them and she lets herself be manoeuvred into place. Their new position is incredibly comfortable – her head is now resting on Caroline's chest and she's wrapped in a tight embrace that feels so pleasurable she can't find the will to move. And it's not just the simple pleasure of another body – a steady pulse of desire together with the racing of her heart let her know very clearly that her attraction is building by the second.

The potential for later awkwardness has just doubled, but she can't quite bring herself to care. The embrace feels so natural, so right, as if she had been dreaming of lying in her arms for months. It's confusing, unnerving, and perfect all at once.

Time passes, peacefully, blissfully. She feels herself start to drop off to sleep but she fights against it, wanting to stay awake to absorb as much of the pleasure as she can. Caroline remains almost motionless beneath her, the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest the only movement, until a hand slides gently into her hair and begins a soft caress. It's all she can do not to sigh in pleasure as the fingers sift through her hair and tenderly run across her scalp. Whatever moments of social tension might come later, there's no way she's moving now.

* * *

"Kate? Kate?"

Consciousness returns to her gradually. The tentative sound of Caroline's voice registers first, followed by the warmth of her body and then the fact that she can barely see, the light in the flat almost entirely replaced by gloom.

"Are you awake? I'm sorry to disturb you but I should probably put some lights on."

Caroline's arms loosen, releasing her. It takes a worrying amount of willpower to sit up and move away from her but she manages it, grateful for the darkness that's hiding her incipient blush – at least for the moment.

"What time is it?" she whispers.

"Uh…I'm not sure, exactly, I fell asleep myself. Must be quite late if it's this dark."

She can just about make her out as she walks carefully over to the light switch.

"Ow! Shit and double shit."

"Are you OK?"

"Stubbed my toe. Damn it. It's that stupid bloody umbrella stand my mother gave me, it's pure evil, I swear it lies in wait for me. Must be made of bloody concrete. Concrete and evil."

The light is turned on and they both blink slightly in the glare of it. She walks over to her, a nervous knot in her abdomen.

"You didn't hurt yourself?"

"No, no, it's fine, I'm fine."

They meet each other's eyes, and there it is – the awkward moment she knew was coming. Caroline is visibly nervous; Kate doesn't know what to say. The moment stretches out uncomfortably, the tension increasing with each second, until Caroline finally breaks the silence.

"Same time next week?" she says softly.

Alarm bells sound again. But standing there, faced with her anxious beauty, there's only one answer she can give.

"I'd like that," she says.


	5. Chapter 5

"Kate. Hi. Hi. Glad you could make it." The relief on Caroline's face is so obvious she smiles warmly at her, a wave of affection rolling over her.

"Hi, Caroline."

"Come in."

They make polite small talk as Caroline finishes the preparations and then sit down to eat. The relaxed, chatty atmosphere of last week's meal has been replaced by an anticipatory tension which renders their conversation over lunch rather stilted and limited to work topics only. Most of her week has been spent asking herself what was going to happen today, and more importantly, what she wanted to happen. It wasn't an easy question to answer. She already knew that if Caroline initiated another hug she wouldn't turn her down, but beyond that? What if she kissed her? What if she invited her into her bed?

She'd been back and forth in her head numerous times, listing all of the reasons why this whole thing was a bad idea. Her boss. Her next-door neighbour. An old-fashioned boarding school that might gossip for Britain. Lawrence and William and a marriage that couldn't be dissolved without a scandal. It was twelve kinds of crazy.

But she'd known all week that she would come here. And now she was here, she wasn't at all sure where she would draw the line if Caroline tried to seduce her. Already she can feel the attraction building, the initial spark developing into a strong current of desire, the initial affection building into a full-on crush. Their hands brush just once when they both reach for their glasses at the same time and a prickle of electricity runs through her; she can see from Caroline's face that she feels it too. It's all getting far too dangerous.

They finish their meal and take a seat on the sofa, Caroline sitting very close to her, she notices. She takes a deep, surreptitious breath and hopes that her nerves don't show.

"So," Caroline says.

"So."

"How was your week? You were off to the theatre?"

"Yes, that was great, you should go. Very good production. And you? What did you do?"

"Oh, not much, cleared out some junk, went shopping, paid the gas bill. God that makes me sound dull, I should have done something more interesting so I could tell you about it. Goes without saying I'm usually the centre of a social whirl."

"Goes without saying," she smiles. "And William? How are you holding up there?"

"Oh, pretty well, I think, better. He does keep ringing me so I've decided he's not planning to abandon me forever. So that's encouraging."

"Good. Good. Although…"

"What?" she says.

"I mean…it must still be a bit hard for you," she says lightly, watching her carefully to make sure she doesn't upset her. "Your firstborn son and heir, all that way away…I would think you would still need a bit of support, now and then? Perhaps from a friendly acquaintance?"

She watches as the understanding begins to dawn. She hadn't planned this in advance, but apparently there's something inside her that wants any intimacy between them to be a conscious choice this time, rather than something they could pass off as a spur of the moment mistake.

"Well…I would think that's true, yes. He is an awful long way away, in the scheme of things. Practically another country." An expression of quiet joy has appeared on her face; at least they're on the same page about this part.

"So a cuddle might be in order? What do you reckon, do you think that might work?"

"Can't say for sure. We'd probably have to test it scientifically."

"Ah. Well then."

Kate leans back on the sofa and reaches out a hand.

"Oh, um…don't you want…"

"This way round, this time. I'm the cuddler, you're the cuddled. OK?"

Caroline pauses for a moment, indecision mixing with amusement in her expression. There's a vulnerability to being held, she thinks; she's probably more used to taking the lead.

But she takes her hand and lets herself be pulled into Kate's arms and then, slowly, down into a similar position to last time, except in reverse. Kate finds a comfortable spot against the soft arm of the sofa and stays there, running one hand up and down Caroline's back to calm any nerves that might be in evidence, wrapping the other arm tightly around her middle.

It feels markedly different to last week; a strong feeling of protectiveness comes over her, a desire to keep her safe. But the heat of her remains the same, as does the effect their intimacy has on her body. If anything she's becoming more turned on than last time, hyper aware of every place that their bodies are touching, of her breasts pressed against her own and the soft breath on her neck.

But she tries to keep a lid on the arousal as best she can – from Caroline's nerves and hesitation she suspects that she's not going to be making any advances today, and she's certainly not going to seduce her. There's a sharp sting of disappointment in that thought that's concerning, suggesting that if the advance had been made she might not have shown any resistance at all.

There's a calm period of silence, Kate occasionally caressing her back and the nape of her neck, with no movement from Caroline except for the rise and fall of her chest.

"I should have asked…" Caroline says after a while.

"Yes?"

"Whether you're seeing anyone. At the moment. I mean I don't know…what…but if I was seeing someone and they were, um, doing this sort of thing, I wouldn't be too-"

"I'm not. Seeing anyone."

"Right. Right. Good."

Time to take the plunge? It seems as good a time as any. Deep breath, McKenzie.

"I rather hoped that I was seeing you. Or might be after today."

No reply. She waits, determined not to push her, aware of every beat of her heart.

"I don't have much to offer you."

Well that's not a great start. Her heart sinks.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, with John and the boys, the way everything's…I'm not free, Kate. It was very lucky that no-one found out about it all last time, but with us working together, all those beady eyes watching us…"

"So you just want to be friends?"

"I think that's all we can be."

"Friends who hold each other? Does this feel platonic to you, Caroline? It doesn't to me."

Another long silence.

"Have you ever head of the term 'romantic friendship'?"

"Um…I don't think so."

"It used to be totally acceptable for two people to be intimate without sex, especially two people of the same gender. And then everyone got obsessed with carnal matters and decided you couldn't possibly have intimacy without sex. But that's what it was, a romantic friendship. An acknowledgement that there are friends and there are lovers and there are a whole host of relationships in between."

"And that's what you want? Intimacy without sex?"

Caroline sighs, blowing out her breath in frustration. "I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about…hadn't thought about you like that…you're an extremely attractive woman. You're a _beautiful_ woman and I'd have to be as straight as a ruler to not find you attractive, and God knows I've never been that. But there are a hundred and one reasons why a romantic relationship would be doomed, Kate. At least right now, with the way things are. You must know that."

"Yes. I suppose I do." She can't keep the disappointment out of her voice; Caroline draws herself up to look at her, resting on one arm.

"I'm sorry. I really am. If things were different…"

"I know."

"Do you want me to…" She gestures vaguely away from the sofa.

"No. You can stay."

Caroline smiles at her, searching her expression. "I know this isn't ideal. Very far from ideal. I've got no right to even ask you to contemplate it, you must have a thousand and one women pursuing you."

"Must I?" she says, smiling a little sadly.

"Of course! I've already overheard a certain geography-teaching whippersnapper who was trying desperately hard not to appear keen on you, I didn't like to tell him he wasn't your type. Bet it's like that everywhere, it must get quite tiresome for you, actually. Walking into bars and having women faint at the very sight of you, having to wade through a sea of admirers just to order a gin and tonic."

"What on earth are you talking about you silly woman." She can't quite keep the smile off her face.

"I'm saying I appreciate the strength of the competition. And the opportunity that I'm being afforded here."

They grin at each other and for a heart-stopping moment Caroline's gaze rests on her lips and she thinks she's going to kiss her. But she lies down again in her arms and Kate tries to calm down. This is not going to be easy, she thinks. Not easy at all.

"So…what are the rules here, exactly? I mean, in the whole romantic friendship situation, what are my privileges?"

"Oh. Well. This, obviously. What we've already…and then, I don't know really. I haven't made a list or anything."

"But no kissing?"

Caroline shifts a little in her arms. "Um, no, I don't think we could…no."

"And no shagging?"

She laughs. "Definitely no shagging. The rules are no kissing and no shagging."

"Can I call you my little honeybun?"

"Certainly not."

"Can I ring you at 3am to tell you about my existential crisis?"

"Certainly."

"Can I sleep here?"

Silence; she can almost hear her thinking. She's not even sure why she's suggested it – if she has to spend a whole night in her arms without being allowed to so much as kiss her it might be torture.

"I'll have to think about that one. Not sure that I could…I'll get back to you."

They lapse into silence, Kate gently running a hand through Caroline's silky hair. This wasn't so bad, she thought. Maybe it was exactly what she needed, a warm, comforting physical friendship that wasn't complicated by all of the intricacies of sex. Maybe sex really had become too much of a big deal and took the focus away from the emotional closeness that people really craved.

_Maybe you're trying to talk yourself into this._

But everything about Caroline was drawing her in, and if all they could have at the moment was a very close friendship then that was what she would take and she would enjoy it for as long as it lasted. The future could take care of itself.

"Perhaps this is for the best," she says. "Gives us a chance to get to know each other properly, it'll be like courting in the 1920s."

"Right, you see? That's what I thought. People fall into bed with each other so quickly these days, don't even know each other's names. Much better to take things slowly. Much more civilised."

A small pause.

"Caroline?"

"Mm?"

"Do you think we convinced each other?"

She laughs briefly. "No idea. I guess we'll find out in the end."


	6. Chapter 6

"So…last week you asked if you could sleep here."

Kate looks up from the newspaper in surprise. After another lovely Sunday dinner Caroline hadn't yet initiated the expected cuddling so they were lounging on the sofa together reading the papers, Kate trying to pretend that she was interested in some pretentious film star and his latest masterpiece when all she could think about was being held. And now it seemed like Caroline might want to skip a couple of steps.

"Uh…yes. I did."

"I was thinking about that and you know, I really think that would be all right. If you still wanted to, that is."

She's pointedly not looking at her, reading the education section with her headmistress glasses on and a deadly serious look on her face that makes Kate want to tease her.

"Oh no, I don't want to do that."

Caroline looks up, surprised. "You don't?"

"Nope. Sounds bloody awful. Can't think of anything worse. Might fake an injury just to get out of it."

The serious look remains but she can see a light dancing in her eyes as she glares at her over the top of her glasses in classic schoolteacher fashion.

"Whatever you deem necessary. I should point out that I sleep in a turret. Have you ever slept in a turret? It's very romantic. You might want to think about that before you pretend to break your ankle."

There's nothing to think about, of course, so at 11 o'clock that night, after a quick trip home to get her pyjamas and toothbrush, she finds herself heading up the creaky spiral stairs to the fabled turret. Which is, as promised, very, very romantic. The room's almost a perfect circle, gentle curves all the way round, with walls of exposed stone. The low ceiling and gorgeous sash windows add to the atmosphere – and then there's the view, a stunning vision of trees, green fields and English countryside that makes her catch her breath.

"Told you," Caroline says, smiling.

"You did. Wow. How do you ever leave this place?"

"It's not easy. It helped when John was here, that always motivated me to get out of bed in the mornings. It's much nicer with you."

Kate smiles at her, the smile widening when she spots the embarrassment in Caroline's expression, as if the affectionate words had slipped out entirely without her permission.

"I usually sleep on this side, that all right?"

"That's fine."

Kate's heart does a backflip; they're really doing this. A whole night in bed with Caroline Elliot. She gets changed quickly, not daring to sneak a glance to the other side of the bed.

They both climb into bed and Caroline turns off the bedside lamp immediately, disappointing her – she was hoping to talk for a little while. But then a hand reaches out to her and she's gently pulled into her arms. A few moments of adjustment while they find the most comfortable position and then there's stillness, the unbroken silence of the night and the soothing warmth of Caroline's body.

"It feels like we're in another world," she says quietly, not wanting to break the spell.

"I know. It really was wasted on John, he never much liked it up here, thought it was a pain not to have an en suite bathroom."

"Why the hell would you care about the bathroom when the bedroom's so…_enchanted_?"

"I have no idea. But he did."

There's a note of melancholy in her voice that suggests John's attitude to their bedroom might have run deeper than the plumbing practicalities. What a fool, she thinks. A home like this, a woman like this, and he throws it all away.

"Are you comfortable?" says Caroline.

"Very. You're always so warm, Caroline. You're my little hot water bottle," she teases.

"You know as pet names go that's not terribly romantic. Although it's a marginal improvement on honeybun."

Kate laughs and snuggles in a little closer. "What would you prefer?"

"You speak French don't you, surely there's something along those lines? Ma petite…something or other?"

"Ma petite bouteille d'eau chaude."

"Well that sounds suspiciously like-"

"It is," Kate giggles.

"Humph. F for you in the romance department."

They lie together in a comfortable silence for a while before Caroline speaks.

"I told the boys. That I'd had an affair too, with a woman, that I'm…interested in women, in that way. And that you and I had become close."

"Wow…how did they take it?" She's shocked; she had no idea that this was on the cards.

"William was wonderful, I'm sure he suspected something at the time. He said he wants me to be happy, he didn't blame me or anything. Lawrence was far less impressed which was to be expected, I suppose, I think he's worried about his street cred. He's still in a bit of a sulk but I don't think the sky's going to fall in."

"Gosh, Caroline. Why did you…I mean, it's good that you're being honest with them, but…"

"I owe them the truth. I did promise myself that I'd tell them when they were a bit older, but I'd been scared in case they had a fit and wanted to go and live with their Dad. But spending all this time with you, like this, it was starting to feel…dishonest. Again. And I hate lies, I _hate_ them, and I've lied too much in the past. So. Told my Mother as well."

Well now she's really gobsmacked. Where was all this coming from? Was she quietly planning a future for them even as she insisted on a platonic present?

"How did that go?"

"Oh, brilliantly, very well indeed. She shouted, I shouted. She helpfully explained that there were plenty of men available and as I'd been hurt by John I was probably a bit under the weather at the time and should forget it ever happened. Not sure what my excuse for you is supposed to be, I'm sure she'll think of one. My Mother sees lesbianism as the sexual incarnation of the flu, you get a virulent attack once a decade or so but thankfully you always recover."

"Once a decade? Does that mean-"

"There've been other women, yes. Or a couple, anyway, a very long time ago, before John and the boys. Both relationships were trainwrecks for various reasons, including the fact that I stupidly decided to tell my Mother about my predilections and she reacted like I'd flung a dozen orphans off Beachy Head."

"And John? Where does he fit into all this?"

Caroline sighs heavily. "Looking back, I have no earthly idea. At the time I think I would have told you that I loved him. I vaguely remember feeling something along those lines. Now I think he's a pillock. But he did give me the boys so I could never regret marrying him. I should have got the sperm and run for the hills but never mind, what's done is done. What about you, has it only been women?"

"No, no. I didn't start dating women until my thirties, I was married too. Richard, five years. Lovely chap, big mistake, women ever since."

"I'm jealous of your other women."

"What? Why would you be…"

A long, meaningful silence.

"Well whose idea was that, sunshine?" she teases gently.

"I know whose idea it was, doesn't mean I have to like it. Or not be jealous of your other women."

"Then I'll be jealous of your other women, too. Especially your latest woman who was apparently shagged to within an inch of her life."

"Uh…excuse me. That is not what I said."

"Pretty close. And here's me having to make do with snuggling and cups of tea."

There's no reply and she sits up a little and peers through the moonlit gloom to see an anxious look on her face.

"That was a joke. I'm not complaining."

"I know, but…if I could change…"

"I know."

They gaze at each other, a mixture of sadness and attraction in the air. She wants to touch her, to feel the softness of her lips, to simply be closer to her. Instead she lies down again and lets herself be drawn tightly against her body.

"Lawrence is 18 in July. Eleven more months and he's an adult. Do you think…do you think you could wait for me until then? I know it's an awful lot to ask Kate but I can't risk it where the boys are concerned, if John got shared custody of Lawrence he might make him trek up to York at the weekends and I'd hardly see him. And there's an outside chance we'd get some bigot of a judge who thought a lesbian affair was worse than a straight one and give me no rights at all, or less rights than John anyway. There'd still be some things to sort out, but once I know the boys are safe, and preferably both away at university and out of the rumour mill, it would be easier."

One more year. A whole year of this, of being so close to her and not allowed to touch? Of a friendship that can never have the emotional depth of a loving relationship? One whole year of unfulfilled desire when there's someone she longs for?

She gives the only honest answer there is.

"I don't know, Caroline. But I can try."

* * *

"Caroline," she whispers, barely suppressing an aroused moan, "you have to stop that."

Caroline doesn't stop. Kate's lying in her arms for a lazy Sunday lie-in, both of them semi-upright after she made a half-hearted attempt to get up and Caroline pulled her back into bed and against her body. For the last 20 minutes her hand has been gently caressing the sensitive skin of her stomach. It's starting to drive her mad. Especially when combined with all the other touches that Caroline seems to have deemed permissible over the past few weeks – tender fingers stroking underneath the back of her shirt as they lay snuggled on the sofa, one hand resting dangerously close to her inner thigh as they laid in bed, even the occasional ghost of a touch over her breast that she thought might have been accidental the first time, until it happened twice more within the hour.

It's all too much. The sexual tension has been building to boiling point for weeks and the fact that there was no prospect of sex any time soon was making the excitement almost unbearably intense. If Caroline didn't stop right this second she wasn't going to be responsible for her actions.

But the hand doesn't stop moving. She hasn't felt this aroused since…she can't remember the last time she felt this aroused. Maybe no-one in the history of the world has ever felt this aroused. It seems quite likely, given Caroline's power over her.

"I mean it, Caroline. Stop it."

"Tell me 'No' if you want me to stop," she whispers into her ear, sending a shiver straight down her spine. "Just say the word 'No'."

Her fingers begin to move downwards, inching below the waistband of her pyjama trousers, drawing tantalising circles on her skin. A surge of excitement rushes through her and she can't help but fantasise about a far more intimate touch.

"You're not listening to me," she says, her voice breathy and strained.

"Say 'No' to me. That's all you have to say and I'll leave you alone."

As her left hand moves down even further, dangerously close to her hot centre, her right hand slowly moves upwards and takes hold of her breast.

"Caroline," she moans, her body pushing helplessly back against her to maximise the contact, "What are you doing?"

"Touching you." Her left hand cups her firmly over her underwear, the fingers stroking over the thin fabric. "Making you wet, apparently. Very wet. I like that. I like that I've made you so excited. You know how to make me stop, Kate. Say the word if you want me to stop."

There's no resistance left in her; every cell in her body is begging for her touch. She keeps quiet, trying to keep her breathing under control, trying to pretend that she's not as desperate for her as she really is.

"Well _that's_ a very loud silence," Caroline says, and even through her pleasure Kate can hear that she's not the only one who's having to fight to keep calm. The exploring hand slips underneath her underwear and begins to stroke ever so lightly through her wetness; she squirms helplessly, grabbing hold of the sheet and pulling it roughly from the bed.

"Please," she moans, "no more teasing, I can't take it."

"I've hardly started!"

"I _mean_ it Caroline, bloody _touch_ me."

A quiet laugh from behind her sends a burst of anger through her – this arrogant, _infuriating_ woman – but then her fingers are _finally_ touching her clit and it's clear that this time she's not going to tease her, her skilled fingers quickly taking her to a higher plane of arousal, quickly taking her to the edge. Fighting hard against the inevitable she tries to concentrate on something else, the sheet in her hands, the colour of the walls, anything to avoid coming so quickly and letting this heaven end, but in her overwrought state she can only hold out for so long and the orgasm bursts through her like liquid fire, leaving her conscious of nothing in the world except this magnificent woman and the pleasure of her touch.

Panting, sweating, she gradually regains control. Caroline's hand withdraws but her arm remains resting on her thigh. A sweet, soft kiss is pressed against her cheek, followed by another and then another; the tenderness seems particularly meaningful after such physical intensity and she fights back a few unexpected tears.

There's a contented silence as they lie together, Kate basking in the sheer release of weeks of built-up tension.

"Well I suppose we didn't kiss," she says finally.

Caroline laughs and tightens her arms slightly. "Nope. No kissing. And technically I'm not sure that would count as shagging, do you? It's not as if there was…well, you know."

"I'm pretty sure it would count."

"Mm. You're probably right. Might look it up in the dictionary. But you're probably right. Which means we probably shouldn't do that again."

"You started it."

"I did. I shouldn't have but I was finding it increasingly impossible to keep my hands off you. Maybe we should stop the snuggling if it's going to lead to-"

"But that's my only perk! I'd be down to just tea."

Caroline traces a finger tenderly across her jawline. "Hm. Well, that would never do. We'll just have to learn to control ourselves."


	7. Chapter 7

Slowly, gradually, she wakes up. She's spent another wonderful night at Caroline's flat, although this time they'd managed to avoid touching each other – but then she feels a warm, soft hand underneath her pyjama top, resting on her bare skin…

She holds her breath as she feels the hand stroking her skin, up and down, up and down. Surely she's awake; she must be. She must know what she's doing to her. Taking a deep breath she draws herself up to rest on her elbows, looking into Caroline's eyes. The bedroom curtains are drawn but there's easily enough light in the room to see her serious expression. And her desire.

Long moments pass, full of yearning. And then something inside of Kate snaps and she kisses her, a sweet relief as their lips meet and a thrill of electricity runs through her, making her deepen the kiss quickly through sheer need, Caroline kissing her back just as greedily.

The passion runs like a lightning rod between them, the kiss feeling as if it might never end, as if they need to release the fire that's burned between them for so long. Small moans of pleasure from the woman beneath her stoke the fire higher, as do the hands that are now clinging almost painfully to her body.

Eventually she draws back, sitting up straight and straddling her, loving the power of her position and the look of flustered longing on Caroline's face. She opens her pyjama top impatiently, silently cursing the fiddly buttons, and then her hands are on her breasts, caressing, stroking, feeling. A small sigh of pleasure spurs her on and she leans down to take one hard nipple into her mouth, earning a breathy moan and then another as she licks hungrily at her body.

Time stops. All she can feel is her body, her incredible heat; all she wants is for this never to end. Moving downwards she kisses her belly button and then her stomach, licking urgently at the baby soft skin just above the line of her pyjama bottoms, kissing all across her belly and then back up to her breast, this time taking one nipple into her mouth and caressing the other breast with firm strokes of her hand.

"Please," Caroline breathes, "Oh, please," her voice quiet but full of desire. Suddenly she has to make her come, she _has _to, has to see it and feel it and be the cause of it, and she sucks a little harder and caresses with a firmer stroke, not allowing her a second to calm down, feeling from the reactions of her body and her small cries and moans that she might be able to push her over the edge without even touching her below the waist.

The moans soon become louder and longer, one hand on her arm gripping so tightly it hurts, but she doesn't stop, doesn't give her a moment's respite from the arousal that's burning through her body, and finally she gets her reward.

With one last deep groan Caroline surrenders to her orgasm and Kate feels a thrill of her own at the delicious release of tension she can see and hear. After a few more moments she places one last gentle kiss on her breast and sits up slightly, the rush of excitement drowning out any worry about what comes next.

What comes next is that as soon as Caroline opens her eyes and meets Kate's gaze she sits up and moves away from her, desperately trying to do up her pyjamas with hands that are clearly shaking. Kate watches her in alarm. Her eyes are fixed firmly on the floor and the delicate flush of her arousal is becoming a flaming beetroot blush that covers her face and neck. She looks mortified.

"I'm sorry," Kate says, "I didn't mean to do that, I'm so sorry. Please don't be embarrassed, it's so flattering, I love it that you trusted me enough to…to feel that, to experience that…"

She trails off, floundering, wishing she knew what to say to make it all better, wishing Caroline would say something.

"You OK?" she says gently.

"Fine, I'm fine," Caroline says, far too quickly.

"I lied to you, just then, I'm sorry. I did mean to do that. I hadn't planned it, but once we were…I wanted to make you…to give you that. To know how it would feel to be the cause of it, in you. I didn't think about what you might feel afterwards, I was too caught up in the moment. I am sorry."

A hint of a smile appears on Caroline's face; she almost cries in relief.

"For God's sake, woman, stop apologizing. You're acting like you did something awful."

"Well it would be awful if you didn't want-"

"I clearly did. And do. It was a surprise, that's all, I just got a bit embarrassed. I don't usually…you know…not just from…" She waves her hand vaguely in the air.

"Don't you?"

"No."

Kate studies her, trying to ignore her own lingering arousal but unable to resist asking.

"Have you _ever_...you know, just from…" She copies the vague hand gesture. Caroline glares at her.

"Are you wanting a gold star, Miss McKenzie?"

"Only if my work was outstanding. Unprecedented, even. Was it?" She smiles at her cheekily, seeing from Caroline's inability to suppress a smile that the danger has passed.

"Well. Yes. As it happens. If you're trying to soothe my embarrassment you're not doing a very good job."

"Sorry."

"She says with a grin the size of Wales."

"You can't expect me to pretend I didn't enjoy that." She edges closer to her on the bed to gently place a kiss on her cheek.

Caroline grins at her. Slowly, though, the happiness falls away as she studies her, her expression becoming far more serious.

"What? What is it?"

"I don't want this to come out the wrong way, and I take full responsibility. We both know I enjoyed that immensely and I could have stopped you if I'd asked. But I…I don't know if we can carry on like this. I don't know if I can do this, Kate."

Her stomach drops; she's taken from utter joy to a bone-chilling fear in the space of a sentence. She feels like she already knows what's coming.

"We said this was a romantic friendship, and as long as we could keep to those boundaries it wouldn't interfere with the divorce or my job. But as soon as we start…I can't risk another affair. I can't."

"We're _having_ an affair. We've been having an affair for months, whether I've touched you or not."

"But the courts won't see it like that, as long as I can deny we've had sex then we're just friends as far as the rest of the world is concerned. We can't go on like this."

"And it's the rest of the world that matters, is it? Not me?" She stands up and faces her, trying to clamp down on the building anger, the searing pain.

"That's not fair and you know it. I've been nothing but honest with you."

"Bullshit." Caroline looks astounded and she regrets it immediately but can't bring herself to apologize.

"Name me a single time I've lied to you!"

"Right now, right this second. It's all for the boys, is it? We're waiting for Lawrence to grow up? That's part of the truth, Caroline, but don't try to tell me it's the only reason we're here. If you got the fastest divorce in history John would only have custody for six months and we both know Lawrence adores you. This is about you. Your fear. Your cowardice."

Caroline flinches but she can't seem to stop herself, weeks of buried frustration and subconscious anxiety pouring out of her in a torrent of twisted words.

"If you really wanted this you and I would be making love right now. And instead we're at each other's throats and it's because you're terrified to admit you're a lesbian.

"Tell me I'm wrong, Caroline. Tell me I'm wrong, tell me that once Lawrence is squared away the first thing you'll do is tell all your friends about me, write a letter to the chair of governors to get our relationship on the record, tell Beverley that I'm your new partner and she should treat me like she treated John. Tell me I'm wrong."

There's still no reply and the silence fuels her fury.

"You're worried about your nice, respectable little niche and everyone knowing you're a lesbian. That's what's keeping us apart, not Lawrence. I bet this is what happened with your last lover, isn't it? Did you keep her locked up in the closet too?"

To her dismay Caroline shows no signs of fighting back; it looks far more likely that she'll cry. The thought of her in tears finally stops her tirade and she stands there miserably, longing to touch her, to comfort her, to shake her until she wakes up.

"That's not fair," Caroline says eventually, her voice weak. "I've worked bloody hard for this job, I can't lose it now."

Kate takes a moment to compose herself, wanting to express herself clearly as she has a sinking feeling this might be the last time she ever gets the chance.

"They can't fire us, Caroline, it's against the law. They'd never get away with it. This is about _you_."

"There are plenty of ways to force us out without resorting to legalities. If the chair of governors decides I have to go then he's got a hundred different ways of making my life miserable. Besides, this is a business, Kate, a private school isn't a bog standard comprehensive where you're always fighting to keep the numbers down, we have to keep our numbers healthy or we die. If the parents find out the headmistress is gay they could withdraw their children in droves and there'd be nothing I could do about it. This is the only headship I've ever had, I can't swan off to find another one if I've got no reference and I've driven the school into the ground. They could _finish_ me."

"You're being melodramatic."

"Am I? Name me one gay headteacher."

"I might not know of one specifically but that doesn't mean there aren't any, I'm sure there are. I can name you three gay teachers just in this school."

"It's not the same, it isn't. As the head of the school I'm the leader, the captain of the ship, there are expectations of my behaviour that don't apply to the rank and file."

"Expectations, yes, but they can't expect you to be straight, that's discrimination, pure and simple. You could sue them for everything they've got and they wouldn't stand a chance. You're just too afraid to admit who you are."

"They hired a married woman with two children, not a divorced lesbian. And you're insane if you don't think there's a difference."

"Then I'm insane. You are who are you, you haven't changed because you're allowing yourself to be with me and our relationship has precisely zero impact on your work."

"They'll never see it like that. They won't."

Kate takes a deep breath, biting down on her frustration. Where the hell is the woman who runs a huge secondary school with a rod of iron? Where the hell is her courage?

"_Make_ them see, Caroline. Fight them, fight for your career because discrimination is contemptible, fight for all the kids in this school who are going to grow up to be gay, who know they're gay already, fight against everyone who ever made you feel ashamed of yourself. Fight for _me_."

There's silence. Caroline gazes at her helplessly, tears welling in her eyes, her mouth open as if to speak. Kate waits and waits and waits, but when the words don't come she knows it's over.

* * *

The next few months pass in a blur. Using every tactic in the book she avoids her boss at all costs – hiding out in the library, taking the long route round the school to stay away from her office, not leaving her flat until she's heard the other woman go first. She even ducks out of a staff meeting claiming illness, refusing to meet Caroline's eyes.

But she keeps teaching her classes, keeps her life chugging along. There's no way she's going to be beaten down by a woman who can't face the truth, whose fear of the outside world is so much stronger than their…

Their love. And now it was all over, she knew that love is exactly what it had been. She'd fallen in love, helplessly, stupidly in love with this magnificent, arrogant, astonishing, infuriating, complicated, wonderful woman. Only Caroline hadn't fallen in return. The whole thing had been a sad, sorry mess from start to finish; she should never have gone along with all that romantic friendship rubbish, all on Caroline's terms, her timetable. She should have realized at the start that that beautiful flat of hers was a hiding place, not a home. It had always been a disaster waiting to happen.

So she wasn't going to let it break her heart. And coming home from work one day she tells herself exactly that, over and over, as she sits on the sofa and sobs.

Eventually the tears die down. As she gets up to get a glass of water she spots an envelope under her door and stands stock still, staring at it. It can only be from her. Set fire to it, she thinks, shove it under her own door unread, but she's picked it up before she can stop herself and ripped it open.

_Dear Kate,_

_I'm so, so sorry for the way things have ended. I really am. I care about you a great deal, far more deeply than I have been able to tell you. I only hope you can find someone who can treat you the way you deserve to be treated._

_I think you need to know that I have written to the board of governors to tell them I have been involved in a lesbian relationship. I did not mention your name, only that the woman was a member of staff here and I wished to inform the board so they could make plans for future salary reviews, promotions and so on that did not require my involvement. I stated that I would reveal your identity if and when this kind of situation arose. I expect the governors to be discreet but I cannot guarantee their silence and I sincerely apologise for any unpleasantness this may cause you, although I feel confident in saying you will respond to it with a great deal more maturity and strength than I have shown over the past few months._

_I have also filed for divorce. The advice from the lawyer is that there is now no danger of a custody battle because of Lawrence's age, but you were right, of course; Lawrence was not the only reason that I behaved in the way that I did. I got what I deserved in the end._

_I will cherish the short time I had with you._

_Caroline_

A rush of hope soars through her – cherish, she said, she's going to cherish their time together, she cares about her deeply. But as she reads the note for a second and then a third time her hopes begin to come crashing down. There's no mention of love, not even a 'Love from Caroline' at the end. But what really hits her is how final it all sounds, as if their relationship is completely over, dead, never to be reignited.

Their only problems had been Lawrence and Caroline's fear of coming out. And if those two problems had been surmounted, why on earth wasn't she here? Why wasn't she on the doorstep asking for another chance, pouring her heart out and saying how much she needed her? Asking her to face the governors together if and when the fallout came?

She slumps downs onto the sofa and struggles hard against the tears. The note hadn't changed anything at all.

* * *

A few more weeks go by. Kate continues to avoid her, managing it almost entirely except for one excruciating meeting about the French curriculum that they get through by using as little eye contact as possible and talking to each other like strangers. The Dr Elliot persona is firmly back in place, aloof and reserved, although she seems…quieter, somehow. Diminished. Less confident, maybe, a little more tired, a little less dynamic. But that might just be her imagination.

So she drags herself through the weeks and nothing much changes – until the day she walks into the staffroom and her colleagues immediately fall silent. Ian Jackson's stood next to the bulletin board with a piece of paper in his hand, staring at her as if she's got three heads.

"What?" she says, puzzled. "Have I got my cardigan on inside out?"

"Kate, hi, hi."

"Hi Ian," she says warily. "What's going on?"

He doesn't reply, looking round the room awkwardly.

"Look, could someone just tell me?"

"Guys, could we have the room, do you think?" Ian says. "For 10 minutes or so?"

The other staff members stand up and file out of the room. Kathy Everson gives her a big smile and touches her on the arm; Daniel Smith says "Don't let the buggers get you down" in a conspiratorial whisper. What the bloody hell is happening?

"Ian, you have to tell me what's going on, right now. You're scaring me."

He hands her the piece of paper he was holding and she scans it quickly. _"Board of governors' meeting…headteacher…sad decision to separate and plans to divorce…homosexual relationship…female member of staff…retain faith in her work as headteacher…trust you agree."_

Struggling to make sense of it all she reads it again and again. It's a letter to parents, to every parent at Sulgrave Heath. A letter telling them that Caroline's been involved with a female staff member. Every single parent at Sulgrave Heath…

She sits down heavily. "This has gone out?"

"Not yet, it's being sent next week," he says. "They wanted to let the staff know first."

"Why would they…I mean surely it's private, it's nobody's business, why would they…"

"Just between you and me, Kate, Gavin told me that Dr Elliot put it on record to make sure she wasn't accused of favouritism. And then one of the parent governors kicked up a massive fuss in the governors' meeting and they argued about it for two hours, he wanted every parent to know, said they had a right to know. And he got his way in the end, barely, the board voted in favour of this letter, so Gavin had no choice."

"Does she know? Has she seen this?"

"Yep. She was at the meeting, you can imagine how much fun that must have been, although apparently they kicked her out for the part where they picked over her private life like vultures. But the letter, yeah, Beverley was in here 10 minutes ago. She's seen it. Beverley's on the warpath as you can imagine, said it was an appalling breach of privacy, I've never seen her so angry. Practically had steam coming out of her ears."

Every single parent at Sulgrave Heath. The most private woman in the world. Oh dear God. Oh my God, she thinks. And then suddenly she realizes-

"Why did everyone go quiet when I came in here?"

Ian doesn't reply but the look on his face answers for him.

"You know, don't you? That it was me, they're talking about me in this letter?"

"Yes."

"I thought Caroline hadn't told anyone, not my actual name."

"I'm not sure she has, Kate. The governors didn't seem to know who it was, I'm not sure even Gavin does. But you've always been honest about your sexuality, and you two seemed to become friends, you live next door…and you've both been so depressed lately we assumed you'd broken up. We were hoping you would get back together again and put us all out of our misery."

He smiles at her kindly but all she can feel is a sense of dread.

* * *

"Kate? Kate, can I have a word?"

She turns round and comes face to face with Caroline. They've hardly seen each other since the letter was sent to parents two weeks ago and she tries unsuccessfully to ignore the feeling of pleasure that flows through her simply from seeing her lovely face. The few times they have seen each other Caroline has seemed even more tightly wound than usual, barking at pupils in the hallways, conducting staff meetings at the speed of light. Kate's colleagues have mostly been kind to her, with one or two snide comments about sleeping with the boss thrown in, but everywhere she's been she's felt eyes on her, watching. It's all been highly uncomfortable, but at least most of the staff already knew she was gay; she's tried not to think about how Caroline's been feeling, her sexuality exposed for the very first time in her life.

"Of course."

Kate follows her into her office, her heart starting up a dull thud. Caroline is as attractive as ever in her fitted suit but there's an expression of badly-concealed anxiety on her face and dark circles under her eyes.

"Take a seat. I wanted to…I have something to tell you. Regarding recent events with the governors."

Her heart sinks. Despite the highly charged atmosphere at work she hadn't heard a word from any parents; she was starting to believe that nothing more would come of it and given enough time they would all be able to calm down and forget about it.

"The thing is…there have been some complaints. Gavin is in a very difficult position, he has to balance the needs of the school with the demands of the parents. One of the parents has been particularly…vocal. Strident. Suggesting that he'll take his concerns to the local media if he doesn't get what he wants."

"Oh, Caroline…he'd never do that, surely? Whatever would the story be anyway?"

"Well that's what he's saying, and Gavin and I both agree that that would be a very unfortunate road to travel down. So. A fortnight today we're holding a meeting. For parents to express their concerns. To me."

It takes a few moments for the meaning of her words to sink in.

"I…you're not serious?"

"Deadly serious."

"But that's…they can't ask you do that!"

"They're not asking."

"And you're just giving in?"

Caroline drops her gaze to the desk and Kate knows she's hurt her. Hurting her seems to be her specialty.

"What I'm doing, Miss McKenzie, is protecting my two boys and protecting this school. Any further delving into my private life is going to uncover the other affairs and God knows how many women John's been with since we separated. This is a ticking timebomb and I will _not_ let my boys be plastered all over the tabloids and this school run into the ground. This needs to be over with, finished, one way or the other, and this is the quickest way to achieve that."

Why aren't you _fighting_, she thinks, why aren't you standing up for what you _believe _in?

"So why are you telling me?"

She shifts slightly to look out of the window at the pouring rain; she looks so deeply unhappy she almost regrets every harsh word she's ever said to her.

"I thought you might agree to come. Gavin suggested one member of staff attend as a representative and I thought I might have a better chance of getting through the damn thing with you there. I see now how presumptuous that was. I apologise. You'd better go."

They sit in silence for 30 seconds or more, Kate too touched to leave. Finally she stands and walks to the door, noticing the slight slump of Caroline's shoulders as she does so.

"Caroline?"

"Yes?"

"I'll be there."

She doesn't wait to see her reaction. Once she's safely out of the office she takes five minutes to compose herself and then seeks out Ian to tell him the news, desperate for his reassurance. Finding him in the library she hurriedly gets him up to speed, leaving out the fact that Caroline has asked her to attend the meeting.

"What's going to happen?" she asks him anxiously. "What do you think they'll say?"

"Gavin's definitely on your side and I haven't heard any mutiny from the staff. God knows she's got her faults but I don't think anyone would want her to be hauled over the coals like this, not when all she's done is have a bit of a messy private life."

"And the parents? They're the ones who've complained."

"The parents? Honestly…I don't know. I'd like to believe that the complaints came from a few self-important blowhards and the silent minority are either supportive or don't give a hoot one way or the other as long as she can run a school. And if that's the case she'll have one very uncomfortable evening, everyone will have a good gossip and it'll all be forgotten."

"That's the best case scenario. What's the worst?"

He doesn't answer; he doesn't have to. The worst case scenario is the end of a 20-year career.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note: This is the final chapter of The Woman Next Door, so once again can I send a massive thank you to everyone who has taken the time to leave a review or send me a message, I can't tell you how much I enjoy reading through the responses and many of you have had some really interesting views on the plot of this one. I'm not sure whether Caroline's fears would be realistic or unfounded in real life, but I do know that unfortunately there are still plenty of homophobes in the world…**

**I've also posted a McElliot one-shot today called "Scenes From A Softer Series Three". I think these stories might well be my last McElliot stories as I seem to have run out of ideas for these two characters, but at minimum I'll be taking an extended break from writing for McElliot. It has been a pleasure to be a part of this fandom!**

**(And if any of you are fans of the The Good Wife and particularly Kalicia I'm posting some old fics on this site if you fancy a read.)**

* * *

Kate slips into a chair at the very back of the hall, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. With dismay she surveys the group congregated in front of her – there couldn't possibly be less than 150 people. Jesus Christ. The nerves churn in her stomach as she spots Caroline standing at the head of the room, perched against the large top table, looking…oh God. Looking frightened. She's trying to hide it, of course, but her face is as white as a sheet, her hands clearly shaking as she pours herself a glass of water.

The urge to comfort her is almost impossible to ignore; it's torture. But she knows it can't possibly help and it might even make things worse. She tries to meet her eyes and at least send her a supportive smile but there are rows and rows of people between them and Caroline's gaze is all over the place, scanning the hall as if she's looking for the one bigot who will end her career. Seeing her like this is almost unbearable.

After five excruciating minutes Gavin joins Caroline at the front of the hall, touching her on the arm and whispering something in her ear that puts a watery smile on her face. He then stands up and raises his hand for quiet. Kate's stomach turns over with fear. Here we go.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. For those who don't know me my name is Gavin Hardcastle and I am the chair of governors. I'm going to provide you with a brief introduction explaining why we are here and then ask for your views.

"So. The facts are as follows. On 24 February Dr Elliot informed the governing body in writing that she had separated from her husband with a view to divorce. She also said that she had been involved in a romantic relationship with a female staff member at this school, a relationship which had come to an end. The policy of this school does not require members of staff to declare romantic relationships unless there may be an issue of bias or conflict of interest. Although no such situation had arisen Dr Elliot wished to draw our attention to the involvement so we could plan around it if necessary in the future.

"She also wished to put it on record that the relationship with the staff member had been homosexual in nature. Again, this is not something that is required by school policy but the governors welcomed Dr Elliot's honesty in this matter.

"Following the receipt of this letter one member of the governing body requested that we share this information with parents. After a long and intensive discussion the governors voted in favour of this motion. I then received a total of thirteen letters of complaint or concern which have led to this meeting tonight.

"In a moment I will open the floor to questions addressed to either Dr Elliot or myself. Before I do that I wish to stress that I will not be allowing any questions or comments of an overly personal, prurient or abusive nature. Two of the letters I received were homophobic and borderline abusive. That will not be tolerated tonight.

"So. If anyone has an appropriate question, please raise your hand. Yes, sir, the gentleman in the second row there with the blue tie. You have the floor, if you could stand please sir."

Kate's heart sinks as she recognises the man from a recent parents' evening. Gregory Waterson was in her year 9 French class and was, to put it politely, one of the most difficult students she had ever encountered. And in her experience, young men with far too much confidence usually got it from their deluded parents.

"Thank you, chairman. Good evening, everyone. Perhaps it is not the done thing but I am happy to admit that I am one of the parents who expressed concern. The issue here is not about someone's private life-"

"Oh really?" someone heckles, followed by what sounds like murmurs of agreement from around the hall. Kate relaxes ever so slightly – maybe they have more support than she'd thought.

"-the issue is about the headteacher as a role model and our children's education. Do we really wish to send a message that there is no difference whatsoever between a heterosexual relationship and a homosexual one? Do we wish to promote homosexuality in that way?"

That earns him a few boos.

"And what about the curriculum? Are we teaching children in their sexual education classes that lesbianism is perfectly normal? Are we telling them that a marriage between two people who can never produce children is as sacred as a normal marriage? I want to hear from Mrs Elliot on these issues, I don't want to be fobbed off by the chairman who is clearly in her pocket."

Caroline waits a few moments for the murmurings to die down and then smiles sweetly at the man.

"I don't believe we've met. Your name?"

"Kenneth Waterson, my son is in year 9."

"Mr Waterson. A pleasure. It's Dr Elliot, by the way. You mislaid the Oxford doctorate."

A shiver runs down Kate's spine. Caroline's skin is still ghostly pale but her body is still, her gaze steady. Is she finally ready for a fight?

"To answer your questions. We do not promote homosexuality in this school. A number of eminent people have expressed concern over the decades on this issue but I must admit I have never actually come across the promotion of homosexuality in the wild and I have great difficulty imagining what it looks like. If it means that some impressionable pupils might model their sexuality on whatever persuasion Mr Doodah the geography master happens to be then that's clearly nonsense, and that must surely go double when we're talking about the head. This may come as a surprise to you Mr Waterson but they do not idolise me as much as I would hope. Indeed, some of them positively object to my very presence. They are not going gay in my honour.

"Now, if you were instead referring to the curriculum then that has not changed since the last – and to my knowledge, fully heterosexual – headteacher was in position. We teach children about sex and relationships and that includes mentioning that some people are gay and some are bisexual. It does not include telling children that any one sexuality is preferable to any other and it does not include teaching children that discrimination based on sexuality is acceptable. What I _did_ introduce was a ban on homophobic bullying because I was so sick of hearing the words 'faggot' and 'queer' and what I _did_ introduce was a chance for pupils who might be confused about their sexuality to confidentially consult with the school nurse, who is also, to my knowledge, heterosexual. Does that sound reasonable?"

A ripple of applause goes round the hall; Mr Waterson shakes his head, clearly still angry but apparently unwilling to subject himself to more of the same. A rush of excitement floods Kate's body; this is the real Caroline, this is the Caroline she knows and loves. And if she's finally brave enough to show her face to the world the least she can do is stand beside her.

"And who's next please?" says Gavin. "Yes, Miss McKenzie. Miss McKenzie is a teacher here, I asked the staff not to attend en masse but Kate kindly volunteered to be the staff representative. This meeting is primarily about parental opinions but before we hear from Kate I should highlight that I have received a large number of supportive message from staff members and zero complaints. Over to you."

She stands on shaky legs, trying to appear as confident as possible and avoiding Caroline's eyes, knowing the surprise that will be present there.

"Thanks, Gavin. I have a very short announcement which is this: I'm the teacher referred to earlier as previously being in a romantic relationship with Dr Elliot. For those of you who don't know me I have taught modern languages here for a year now and I honestly believe it is the finest school I've ever worked at with the finest headteacher I've ever worked for. And I'm just one teacher among many, a teacher who I'm sure you could replace very easily, but I do feel obliged to tell you that if you fire Dr Elliot then I'll be leaving too."

A quiet rumble of voices starts up, as she knew it would – nothing like a bit of juicy gossip. She braves a quick look at Caroline and can see a look of utter shock on her face, although she quickly covers it up.

"Thank you, Miss McKenzie. Perhaps I should have clarified this at the start but we do not have the power to fire any member of staff for their sexual orientation, or at least we do not have the power to prevent them from suing us successfully if we were to try to do so. But whether they wish to remain in our employment in the current circumstances is another matter. Who's next?"

A number of hands are raised and Gavin chooses an elderly gentleman in a smart suit who stands slowly with the help of a cane.

"Thank you chairman. Good evening. This is an extremely important debate we are engaged in, ladies and gentleman, an issue that can cause the most enormous damage to young hearts and souls and which concerns the most appalling depravity. But before I get into that, I need to tell you right from the start that I do not have a child in this school. Technically I may be gate-crashing but when I heard about the agenda for tonight's meeting I felt compelled to come along and air my views."

One or two of the parents start muttering and Gavin steps in.

"Sir, if you're not a parent at this school then I think I need to ask you to leave."

"Mr Chairman I hope you will do me the courtesy of at least listening to what I have to say."

"Sir-"

"My brother was a pupil at this school. My brother Arthur."

"Yes, all right, but surely that was many years ago? I mean, not to insult you but-"

"But I'm clearly 105, I know. Or 76 to be more accurate. But I still wish to say my piece, it will not take long and I can assure you it is relevant to the subject at hand."

Gavin glances at Caroline; she shrugs slightly, as if to say 'Let's get it over with'. Kate braces herself as best she can.

"All right. Please be brief."

"Thank you, Mr Chairman. As I was saying, my older brother Arthur was a pupil at this school until 1954. In the summer term of 1954 this very issue arose, although at that time the concern was focused on the pupils, not the staff. One of those pupils was my brother."

A few more mutterings are heard around the hall; he's not exactly sticking to the subject, Kate thinks. A few experimental fumblings 60 years ago, what did that matter? But the man carries on talking.

"A top secret version of this debate was held in the headmaster's rooms, attended by my distraught, confused, thoroughly ashamed parents who did not reveal to me what happened that day until a quarter of a century had passed. Arthur had been caught engaging in intimacy with another boy. He was expelled. My parents were told that it was due to, and I quote, his "disgusting perversion". He hanged himself the next day."

A shocked silence falls over the room. Kate looks over at Caroline, sure that the appalled expression on her face is mirrored on her own.

"If Dr Elliot had taken up with a man you would never have called this meeting. _Never_. The existence of this meeting is the very definition of prejudice and that prejudice is the definition of depravity and if this lady leaves the school because of it you will all be dancing on my brother's grave."

The last words are choked out through tears and he sits down quickly to compose himself. Long moments pass until Gavin finally speaks.

"Thank you very much, sir, for your comments. I am very sorry for your loss. I could not agree more with your sentiments and in that light I am going to call a vote. All in favour of ending this meeting right now as Dr Elliot has our full support, raise your hand."

Kate's heart thumps in her chest as she looks around, but there's no doubt about the result, crystal clear in a sea of raised hands. Tears well in her eyes and she blinks them back, a flood of relief washing through her body like spring rain. Caroline has leant heavily against the oak table but her head is held high.

"That's a conclusive yes if ever I saw one. Common sense prevails."

A loud round of applause resounds in the hall, lasting for a good two minutes. She stares at her hands, not trusting herself to meet Caroline's eyes without breaking down. When the applause finally dies down Gavin speaks.

"I think I have one more job as chair and that is to check with Dr Elliot and Miss McKenzie that they both wish to remain as employees at this school after the events of the past few weeks. Dr Elliot?"

Caroline looks over at her, looking nervous. "Miss McKenzie is an extraordinary teacher and extraordinary person who deserves to receive nothing but respect. I would not blame her if she wishes to leave but I would greatly prefer it if she chose to stay. And if she is happy to stay, then I'm staying too."

The tears threaten to overwhelm her. Is she just talking about their jobs or is there a chance they could rekindle their relationship? But either way, there's only one answer.

"And I'm staying," she says, her voice full of emotion, and when several of the parents cheer and the applause starts up again she loses the battle entirely and feels the tears run down her face.

"Good. Here endeth the meeting, thank God for that. Thank you for coming ladies and gentleman and may I say that I hope we don't do this again anytime soon."

Kate watches as the parents gradually leave the hall, a number of them stopping to have a word with Caroline. One or two of the parents send badly-disguised looks of curiosity her way but she paints a pleasant smile on her face and waits quietly for everyone to leave. After a few more minutes the only people to remain are Gavin and Caroline and she hesitantly makes her way over to them.

"Kate, I am so sorry about all this business."

"Not at all, Gavin, not your fault. Thanks for all your support tonight."

"Of course, the least I could do. Well, I'd very much like to see the back of this day so I'm going to head home. Dr Elliot, perhaps I can give you a call next week to discuss the next governors' meeting agenda? Which thankfully won't include any of this nonsense."

"Sounds good, Gavin. And…just as Kate said. Thank you for your support."

"Of course. Good night."

"Night."

They watch as Gavin heads out and then they're left in a tense silence. Kate takes a deep breath.

"That poor man. His poor brother."

"I know, it's heartbreaking. He came and spoke to me afterwards, a lovely man. He said his parents never really got over it, I don't suppose you would, something like that. He did say that it was heartening to see that times have changed somewhat and a pupil at the school today wouldn't be suffering from the same anguish."

There's a silence between them; she's not sure where she stands.

"You were _fantastic_," she says nervously.

"Oh, hardly." Caroline half-smiles at her, looking equally nervous.

"You were. Absolutely fantastic. I've never been more proud of you."

A blush starts to make its way up Caroline's neck. Kate pauses, trying to choose the right words, to get this moment right as it feels so significant. But it's Caroline who speaks first.

"Come home with me?" she says, her voice full of an endearing vulnerability. "Will you?"

She has to take a moment to catch her breath.

"Thought you'd never ask."

Caroline smiles widely, her eyes fixed on Kate's, her expression a mixture of relief and exhaustion. Kate closes the gap between them and takes hold of her hand.

"Take me home, Caroline. Take me to your turret."

Caroline bursts out laughing. When the laughter dies away she gives a gentle tug on Kate's hand and leads her out of the hall.

* * *

She hasn't felt this nervous since the first time she ever slept with a woman. Which is crazy, she tells herself – it's not as if they haven't touched each other at all. But this feels so different and deep down she knows why. This is the real beginning. This is the start of the rest of their lives.

Caroline smiles anxiously at her as they stand on opposite sides of the turret bedroom, fully dressed, neither quite brave enough to make the first move.

"I've _missed_ you," Kate says quietly, her heart thudding at the joyful smile that her words elicit.

"Missed you too. Very much."

"Are you…how are you feeling? It's been a tough couple of weeks."

"It has. I'm…tired. Relieved. Happy. Mostly I'm glad that it's over."

"You're probably exhausted, after all of this. If you want to get some sleep…"

Caroline studies her nervously. "Do you…is that what you want?"

"I want you. I don't mind if that's tonight or tomorrow or next week. I just want you."

There's no reply but she can see the desire as plain as day. Caroline slowly crosses the space between them and stands in front of her, as if waiting for permission to touch. Kate enfolds her in a warm, tight hug, breathing her in, luxuriating in the closeness for long moments and revelling in the sigh of pleasure that's released from the other woman.

They finally pull away and Caroline slowly starts to undress her. Her blood rushes through her veins, her heart pumping, as her body is gradually revealed. When she's fully naked Caroline looks at her as if she's the most beautiful thing she's ever had the good fortune to lay eyes on. And then she's reaching out a soft, gentle hand and running it tenderly up and down her body, over her neck, her breasts, her stomach, the tops of her thighs. She looks almost hypnotised.

"Bed," Kate says shakily. "Clothes off first."

Kate removes Caroline's suit jacket but finds herself fumbling with the buttons of her shirt, her hands shaking slightly from a heady mixture of adrenalin and sexual energy. With growing impatience she struggles with it until the need to be close to her is too strong to resist any longer and she tugs at it hard, snapping the thread and sending the button flying across the room.

"Oops, sorry," she says, embarrassed.

Caroline grins at her. "Doesn't matter."

In record time she gets the rest of her clothes off, basking in the beauty that is revealed. She takes hold of her hand and pulls her onto the bed, pushing the duvet away and guiding Caroline to lie on top of her, her soft, warm skin like silk all over. They lie there for a few moments, luxuriating, Caroline staring deeply into her eyes before leaning into a deep, yearning kiss.

All of her supressed desire is unleashed and she grabs onto Caroline's body, pulling her tightly against her, the needs of her body far too demanding to allow her a pretence of decorum. Caroline breaks the kiss and they gaze at each other, both needing more but both unwilling to separate their bodies.

But the lust finally becomes too strong and Caroline manages to lift herself up enough to reach one hand down between their bodies, sliding through Kate's wetness with no preamble and sending waves of pleasure through her body. After several more strokes she slips slowly inside, silently asking Kate for permission as she does so, receiving it in her smile. When at last she can feel her inside, feel the tender stroking of her fingers and the teasing touch of her thumb on her clitoris, she knows that she's not going to last long and she has to seize the moment.

Raising one knee she guides Caroline's body so that she's straddling her thigh, watching in lustful amusement as the realisation dawns on her lover's face. At first it seems like she'll demure, embarrassed, but then Kate gently moves her leg a little higher and Caroline's eyes close as she moans quietly.

"Move with me," Kate whispers, guiding Caroline's hips, thrilled when she feels her body begin to gently undulate against her, the heat of her wetness burning into her thigh. For a little while it seems as if her lover's lost in her own pleasure, an expression of bliss on her face, and Kate feels a small pang of disappointment. But then Caroline opens her eyes and begins to move her fingers again, every caress sending sparks of excitement shooting through her body, every touch of her thumb on her clitoris sending her closer and closer to the edge.

For long, delicious moments they move against each other, the air electric with tension, a thousand unspoken feelings clear in their eyes. Finally the pleasure overwhelms her and she feels herself fall over the edge, crying out, aware even in her ecstasy that Caroline is following in her wake. As the orgasm fades away and she bathes in the afterglow she touches her lover tenderly, caressing her face, her hair, trying to tell her without words how much she's missed her. For the first time ever she can see that Caroline is really here with her, open and vulnerable and beautiful in every way.

Caroline leans down to kiss her gently on the mouth and then kisses her cheek, her forehead, her eyelids. They share a long moment of calm, smiling at each other, Caroline gazing at her with a mixture of sweet tenderness and pure joy.

"Sorry about your button," Kate says, trying unsuccessfully to keep the grin off her face.

Caroline bursts into laughter. "It's all right, it'll go back on. Or I might leave it off, actually. You know, as a reminder. Of the effect I have on women."

"Cheeky sod!" She hits her playfully on the arm, Caroline laughing and fending her off. They gaze at each other happily for a while, until a voice at the back of Kate's brain can't be ignored any longer.

"Can I ask…are you planning to utilise the effect you have on women in the foreseeable future? On any woman apart from the one who's currently underneath you?"

Caroline's face falls. "Why would you ask me that?" she says, the hurt clear in her voice.

"Oh sweetheart, I didn't mean it like that…"

She kisses her tenderly, trying to soften her words.

"That came out wrong, I'm sorry. What I meant was…what I meant was not for the foreseeable future. I meant forever, I just wasn't brave enough to say it. I was trying to ask, very clumsily, whether or not you might be interested in being with me forever."

Her heart skips alarmingly in her chest she tries to interpret Caroline's expression, but she can't read her at all.

"Is that…is that an option?"

"I think…I think it's the only option for me. I need you. I love you. I don't want to be without you again."

A myriad of emotions flit across her face before, finally, there's one she can read – happiness. A broad smile starts to form and tears well in her eyes, but she doesn't speak.

"Is that…do you…?"

Caroline nods but she can't seem to find her voice, the tears beginning to fall.

"Nod once for 'Forever', twice for 'What on earth are you even talking about you mad pillock'".

Caroline laughs and then, very deliberately, nods her head once, the tears still falling.

"All these tears, sweetheart," she says softly. Reaching over to the nightstand she takes a handful of tissues and gently mops the moisture from Caroline's face – and her own body.

"Thank you," says Caroline eventually, her voice sounding strangled.

"For what?"

"Everything. Absolutely everything. Moving in to the flat. Not being able to open your own front door. Watching Songs of Praise with me. Being so patient. Being so lovely. Putting up with me. Putting up with the gossip. Waking me up, shouting at me, telling me to fight. Coming to that awful meeting, saying what you said about me, doing what you did. Loving me. Coming back to me."

"I couldn't stay away," she whispers.

Caroline lays her head on her chest and she pulls her as close as she can against her, revelling in the intimacy after so many weeks of loneliness. There's a contented quiet in the room for a while, Caroline occasionally giving a little sigh of pleasure as Kate tenderly caresses her back.

"There's a small confession I should make about your flat."

"Oh? What?"

"You know I told you it had been offered to staff in order of seniority and no-one wanted it?"

Kate strains her neck slightly to try to see her face – where on earth is she going with this?

"Yes…that wasn't true?"

"That part was true, in that no-one on the existing staff wanted it and we couldn't shift it for a year but…well. I may have misled you slightly as regards the newer members of staff. You must have known that you were hired at the same time as two other teachers."

"Yes…so…"

"Two other teachers who weren't members of senior staff and who were therefore younger, like yourself, with no families, who might have enjoyed living in a convenient little one-bedroom flat…"

Kate manoeuvres herself into a semi-upright position and gently pushes her lover away from her so she can meet her eyes.

"Caroline Elliot, what exactly are you telling me here?"

She looks adorably sheepish, her eyes lowered, her hair all over the place from their lovemaking.

"I'm just saying that all three of you were told about the flat. And all three of you were single with no children and all three of you were new and impressionable and hadn't yet cottoned on to the fact that your boss was bananas, so…."

"So…oh my goodness, are you saying all three of us wanted it?"

She answers with a gesture that's somewhere between a nod and a shrug.

"So why did I get it? How did you decide? And why do you look so guilty?" Caroline tries to snuggle up to her again but she puts a hand on her shoulder to stop her. "Uh, excuse me, where do you think you're going, sunshine. Tell me how you decided."

"Why can't I-"

"Tell me how you decided. Dr Elliot's famous for her sense of fair play so I assume you used a system that was scrupulously fair to all concerned."

"Not exactly," she mutters, a soft blush beginning to rise on her cheeks.

"Pardon me?" says Kate, enjoying herself immensely. "What did you say?"

"Fine, you want to know? I'll tell you. You were the most beautiful woman I had ever set eyes on so you jumped the queue. Happy now? I wasn't planning to seduce you in the corridor but I thought that if I had to live next door to one of my employees it might as well be the one who made me feel glorious just by walking in the room. You mustn't tell anyone, it's appalling behaviour, I should have picked names out of a hat. I told Beverley I _did_ pick names out of a hat. Firing offence, I would think, forget the lesbianism."

Kate smiles widely at her, revelling in the idea of being so attractive to her before they'd even got to know each other. But then a thought occurs to her…

"It's not, is it? A firing offence? Not after everything we've been through?"

"Oh, no, no, don't worry. There's something written down that says the headteacher has the final say, that they can use their best judgement and discretion or some such thing. Still shouldn't have done it though. Highly unprofessional way to choose a neighbour."

"I'm very glad you did."

"So am I. Best appalling decision I ever made."

Caroline moves to snuggle into her again and she relents this time, wrapping her arms around her and smiling as Caroline sighs in contentment.

"I mean it, Kate. Thank you. For everything."

"You're welcome. Thank you, too. Thank you for being so brave. Thank you for being in my life."

"And thank you for not calling me a hot water bottle."

Kate laughs and tightens her arms, drawing Caroline firmly against her, the purest bliss surging through her body.

"You're welcome, sweetheart," she says, gently kissing the top of her head. "You're very welcome."


End file.
